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        Romance & Relationships >> Love & Relationships >> BETRAYAL...how does one cope with it?
        
(Message started by: Wicked_Witch on Jan 16^th, 2006, 9:15am)

Title: BETRAYAL...how does one cope with it?
Post by Wicked_Witch on Jan 16^th, 2006, 9:15am

At some point in our lives, we have been betrayed by some people who mattered to us. It can be a lover, or a friend. Did the betrayal ever taught you a lesson? Did you ever think of yourself as deserving of it? After the initial reaction which is normally anger, were you disillusioned about life itself? Did you find it hard to trust that person again or you have forgiven and forgotten? Did the betrayal for some time affect your judgement of others? Did you ever wish you can take a revenge on that person? Like an eye for an eye? Or you just moved on and just charged it to one more life experiences? Let's share our thoughts on these, friends, then maybe some can learn from it.

Title: Re: BETRAYAL...how does one cope with it?
Post by Wicked_Witch on Jan 24^th, 2006, 8:16am

Shuckz...no response.....I take it everyone has been happy all their lives :P

Title: Re: BETRAYAL...how does one cope with it?
Post by earthlingorgeous on Jan 25^th, 2006, 10:07am

Mother Witch I take my liberty to be the first to answer lol! ;D

Maybe because betrayal is such a strong word and some don't feel like they have been betrayed before. It feels like a telenovela plot or something LMAO ;D And maybe because everyone feels confident among the people that mattered most to them to feel betrayed by them.

Anyways, I've been betrayed one two many times... because I think I was so naive and trusting.

But the good thing about being betrayed by someone you think is a friend is that they weren't able to stay longer in your life to do more damage or a deeper irreparable damage to you.

To me, there is no reason to be so doubtful of other people or be untrusting, I trust everyone until they give me the reason not to do so. That's where I start to be cautious of you or pretend you don't exist.

Title: Re: BETRAYAL...how does one cope with it?
Post by Wicked_Witch on Feb 6^th, 2006, 10:31am

You like to get even, don't you Earthy? It doesn't have to be doing the person bodily harm. Just that we hope the person feels miserable and heap bad luck one after the other the rest of their lives? [smiley=roll.gif] [smiley=roll.gif] [smiley=roll.gif]

Title: Re: BETRAYAL...how does one cope with it?
Post by Wicked_Witch on Aug 4^th, 2006, 6:09pm

Can we just go on and pretend it never happened? I think I will. Because the world doesn't stop for your griefs. Cry and you cry alone. Laugh and the world laugh with you.

Title: Re: BETRAYAL...how does one cope with it?
Post by okasantina on Aug 4^th, 2006, 9:46pm

I think i can never go on ... unless i will slap my palm into his face that he betrayed me...unless i will dump unto his bones what he did to me is wrong..unless his conscience keep on buggin him all the time...unless i see him crawling for forgiveness for the pain that he caused me...thats it...thats how i can cope with it i think...lol ;D

Title: Re: BETRAYAL...how does one cope with it?
Post by nOrKAy on Aug 10^th, 2006, 6:29am

If someone once betrayed me, it could only happen once. I may always know/remember him/her but will never allow a single touch from either that person or from me. Sorry, my Mom left her being over-protectiveness on me.

Title: Re: BETRAYAL...how does one cope with it?
Post by Wicked_Witch on Aug 10^th, 2006, 10:36am

I understand you ladies, but won't it be much more easier if we just ignore the person's existence? Hate is a very strong emotion. It can consume our whole being if we don't let bygones be bygones. Can't we just leave it to the hands of God to give us the justice we seek?

Title: Re: BETRAYAL...how does one cope with it?
Post by Gracia on Aug 11^th, 2006, 11:43am

I think if someone betrayed me...i just have to let him/her go. I don't need to be so violent....i'll take the pain, that's part of the package of trusting someone anyway. I'll have to be strong and show to him/her that I wasn't affected though on hemorrhage inside. What's the use anyway, it happened already. All i have to do is be logical. Revenge is a sweet pill when ur in rage, but i don't think i'll ever resort to that, it will only harm me more. Everything heals!

On second thought, i'll cross the bridge when i get there. [smiley=thump.gif]

Title: Re: BETRAYAL...how does one cope with it?
Post by Wicked_Witch on Aug 12^th, 2006, 5:16am

I guess what one does depends on the personality of the one that got betrayed. Some people take pride in getting even in the form of revenge, and some nice girl like you, Grace, will just be content on charging it to experience. But you know what? I found out that talking about it and having it actually happened to you are two different things. Sometimes out of anger we do the unexpected, and sometimes though we have played the scene in our mind time and time again, when you come face to face with the situation, it's hard to tell what one person is capable of doing, especially the timid ones. Because as the saying goes, "still water runs deep". And then there's also those that keep on barking but do not bite. ;D

Title: Re: BETRAYAL...how does one cope with it?
Post by Gracia on Aug 12^th, 2006, 6:52am

yeah i agree witchy..that's why i said...on second thought, i'll cross the bridge when i get there...ohhh i hope it will not come to that though.

Title: Re: BETRAYAL...how does one cope with it?
Post by nOrKAy on Aug 12^th, 2006, 12:47pm

I don't mean that when someone betrays me and I detach myself from that person, I do revenge. I won't want to have the same guilt the person has from betraying me. I don't revenge, but don't expect me to be the same kind of person as I was, before you betrayed me.

Hmmm wait. Is leaving the person, a way of revenging? LOL.

Title: Re: BETRAYAL...how does one cope with it?
Post by Wicked_Witch on Aug 16^th, 2006, 8:18am

Nope...when you leave a person after he has betrayed you means you are facing reality at last ;D

Title: Re: BETRAYAL...how does one cope with it?
Post by Gracia on Aug 17^th, 2006, 6:32am

Quote:

when you leave a person after he has betrayed you means you are facing reality at last

it means you're doing the most sensible thing in your life.

Title: Re: BETRAYAL...how does one cope with it?
Post by Wicked_Witch on Aug 19^th, 2006, 7:02am

Yes, and accepting the fact. But there are some people who keeps on hoping that someday the person will change for the better. Is it true love, blind love, or plain stupid? Can one really honestly say that they can go on and love again right after the breakup or they need more time or completely lose their ability to love again?

Title: Re: BETRAYAL...how does one cope with it?
Post by Gracia on Aug 22^nd, 2006, 6:38am

To those who keep hoping are those who are so optimistic in life and most probably they give more than they can share. Definitely, the reason why they find it so hard to let go and give up. I've read somewhere, give 50% love to the person and keep the 50% for yourself. In that way, you can keep ur sensible mind in tact no matter what happens. Problem is, how?

Title: Re: BETRAYAL...how does one cope with it?
Post by Wicked_Witch on Aug 22^nd, 2006, 12:55pm

I don't know, Grace. But being pessimistic works more for me than being an optimist. If there is something going on in my life, I always expect it to fail. I do not wish it to fail but mentally I tick off the reason why it should. I am a big worrier, eh? I guess it's one way of giving it ur 50% and not all? That's why if things don't work out, I'm only half disappointed than I would have been if I had been an optimist. But when it actually works out, I am doubly happy coz I didn't expect it to.

Title: Re: BETRAYAL...how does one cope with it?
Post by Gracia on Aug 23^rd, 2006, 3:55am

sometimes being pessimistic will hamper your pure happiness withcy...i guess i'm optimistic in some ways, but the way i deal with my relationship, i'll give my all when I can't see no reason not to. A hint of something that changes, i'll gradually ponder where did things go wrong and think of ways on how to patch it up. I won't be doing that alone of course, but if I can't get an iota of cooperation, i'll back off...i'll claim back the 100% i gave. It surely not easy, but by seeking consolation in God, everything will be possible.

Title: Re: BETRAYAL...how does one cope with it?
Post by Wicked_Witch on Aug 23^rd, 2006, 10:05am

I guess I'm used to luck always kicking me in the butt I have stopped having grand expectations on things. Now I just take things as they come. All I do is focus my mind on more constructive things. Enjoy life to the fullest. Because life is that, it's all about living.

Title: Re: BETRAYAL...how does one cope with it?
Post by thebeast on Aug 23^rd, 2006, 7:00pm

When I am betrayed the first emotion I get is anger...then sadness...then I get over it and move on. I have a system that works for me. The object of this system is to get to the getting over it and moving on step as quickly as possible. The first emotion...anger? I need to get this out of my system as quickly as possible because I dont like feeling that way. But you need to get something positive out of this anger. Something that is good for you. Revenge is one option but I dont see anything constructive or positive out of it. I would rather take my anger out on something else. Going out and shooting a gun at targets is one good thing. Just pretend the target is the one who betrayed you. Blow that targets head off a few times. If you do this enough and have a good imagination soon you will more than likely start laughing and feel better and the anger will be gone. Then you go home and you get rid of anything that reminds you of the one who betrayed you...u throw it away and burn it or whatever...just get rid of it. You also dont go to the places that you and the one who betrayed u went to. I mean anything that has to to with them you get rid of. I dont care if you still love this person or not...you just get rid of it. Next is sadness. Sadness is more tough than anger...at least for me it is. I refuse to stay sad for very long. I hate the feeling of feeling sorry for myself....but I do feel it. So whatever it takes...get drunk..cry...lock yourself in the room for a day...talk to a friend...whatever it takes..but give yourself a limit to how long you are going to do this..I have a limit of nothing more than 7 days. After that 7 days your sadness period is over...no more feeling sorry for yourself. Why feel sorry for yourself any longer??? Because you have arrived to the final stage...the getting over and moving on stage. You are free now. You get to have new experiences with new people and new adventrures and fun fun fun till your daddy takes the t bird away. Do stuff you enjoy. Go out and get laid if that is what you want. Whatever it takes.

Now about the person who betrayed you...all contact has got to stop between you and the person who betrayed you....until you have forgiven him or her. Do not make contact untill this. Take your time with this. There is no need to hurry. Do you trust this person again? Well not in the near future that is for sure..not for me anyway. But...some people do deserve second chances. Each individual has to make up thier mind if this person deserves a second chance. I suggest you take the pros and cons of the person. Ask yourself questions like...Will this person provide any benefit to me and my life? Is this person worth the trouble? What do I get out of letting this person back into my life. Is this person gonna screw me again? I also suggest not to be the easy to get along with for a few weeks if you decide to let this person back into your life...this is to see how much bullshit this person is willing to take. If the person takes it then the person might just be worthwhile. Do not break your back to become lovers or friends again. Let the person who betrayed you break his or her back for a while. But dont be malicious about any of it. Be nice and diplomatic. Dont make outlandish demands. Be real about the situation and look at it from a neutral perspective. ;D This is good advice I have the scars on my heart and back to prove it.

Title: Re: BETRAYAL...how does one cope with it?
Post by nOrKAy on Aug 24^th, 2006, 1:04pm

Yay Joel! :-* You're like my dad. Atleast you sound like. Hehehe. :P

Title: Re: BETRAYAL...how does one cope with it?
Post by thebeast on Aug 25^th, 2006, 1:52am

on 08/24/06 at 13:04:11, nOrKAy wrote:

Yay Joel! :-* You're like my dad. Atleast you sound like. Hehehe. :P

No Kris...I am not like your dad...if I were your dad I would put you over my knee and whip you till your butt turned red like a tomato...then my ass would be taken away to jail for abuse. ;D

Title: Re: BETRAYAL...how does one cope with it?
Post by nOrKAy on Aug 25^th, 2006, 6:59am

on 08/25/06 at 01:52:21, thebeast wrote:

if I were your dad I would put you over my knee and whip you till your butt turned red like a tomato...then my ass would be taken away to jail for abuse. ;D

Aww, Joel. If I were your daughty, I don't believe you would do that. I bet I would get lot, lot of hugs, instead. :) Because I always know the technique. ;D When I know my dad is mad of something, or in a grumpy mood, I always find a way to change his mood, until we can talk about other good things. So., you'll have no chance/reason to do that. Now, I bet you feel like hugging me, don't ya? Hihihi. ;D

Opps, sorry guys for the sidetrack. Haha.

Back to the topic. ;D

Title: Re: BETRAYAL...how does one cope with it?
Post by Wicked_Witch on Aug 28^th, 2006, 8:33am

But you know what, Joel? Those things you said are a very good advice, but always, it's easier said than done. Some like you and me are more practical about life. But there are those who has loved so deeply sometimes they think the world of that person. They has already planted the idea that they are going to live happily ever after with that person. So when something happens, it has become very hard for them to get a grip on themselves. It's like their whole world has broken into pieces and they refused to talk to anyone about their griefs. And in their loneliness, they go visit the places they used to go together coz they missed the other person so much.Even keep mementos coz it's the only thing they have of that person. And sometimes, they are willing to take the person back blindly coz they still cling to the hope that they are going to end up together in the end. It is so pathetic but I guess some people can give love that deep to someone. I just wish they would find someone deserving of that kind of love. As for me, I do not believe in lingering on waiting to see if the guy will be back or not. I have better things to do than mop around and feel sorry for myself. If he comes back, he'll be lucky if he finds me still wanting to have him back. And even if I do take him back....he will be sorry coz I don't get mad, I get even. ;D

Title: Re: BETRAYAL...how does one cope with it?
Post by thebeast on Sep 5^th, 2006, 8:25pm

Edith everyone will always have memories of that person. That is why you get rid of all the material stuff. Deep love is a good thing to feel for someone...but people have to become more realistic and stop living in a fairy tale world. Love happens, hearts get broke, people get back together or they move on, people die, babies are born, life is great, life is not so great...these are things that will happen till the end of time. Roll with the punches, accept life the way it is. Keep feeling sorry for yourself and life will always be miserable. Your friend or lover that you thought was so great and wonderful turns out to be not so great and wonderful...but were you happy when you were with him. Be thankful for what you had but understand this is not the end of the world. There is always someone better out there. A better lover, better looking, better provider better at making you happy...better whatever. This person who betrays you was not the best and even if he or she didnt betray you...he or she is still not the best. Always someone better and someone out there who is better for you. Find the person who makes you happy...guess what??? This person is not the best either.... no matter what you think. But being the best isnt important...being happy is. I think people who want to be scared or sad and feel sorry for themselves need to realize that its just part of life...so get busy living or get busy dying..the choice is thiers.

Title: Re: BETRAYAL...how does one cope with it?
Post by Saffire_65 on Sep 9^th, 2006, 8:11am

What makes one a betrayer? Betrayal towards ur country? Betrayal towards the love of your life as in ur family, friends and lovers? The kind of betrayal i read in here are mostly between two lovers. We in some degree had been a victim but has anyone been the betrayer at all? I have ;D I betray myself for loving him again and no its not pathetic as what one may think cos i have never stopped loving him. * CHEERS*

Title: Re: BETRAYAL...how does one cope with it?
Post by astrobloke on Sep 9^th, 2006, 8:45am

One observation I have made is that in matters of chasing women, there is little or no honor amongst male friends.

On a number of occasions, I have introduced a new lady friend into my social circle and with some guys if they like what they see, they will try their luck in getting her attentions away from me.

One was successful, but only as far as she used him to put a wedge between myself and her. He later had the audacity to complain to ME about it [smiley=rock.gif]

And to think that I earlier turned down the woman he had the hots for out of loyalty to friendship. Suffice to say I didn't count him as a friend after that.

Another friend I had known for years and years and I would consider a best friend if not for the simple fact that he cannot be trusted around women, and he would "cut my lunch" given an opportunity.

Seriously some men are so enslaved to their hormones they are helpless to put loyalty and friendship over a quick roll in the hay. ::)

Title: Re: BETRAYAL...how does one cope with it?
Post by Wicked_Witch on Sep 10^th, 2006, 4:40am

Quote:

Seriously some men are so enslaved to their hormones they are helpless to put loyalty and friendship over a quick roll in the hay. ::)

Then they are not real friends, Geoff. True friends can only be tested over two things, money and women, at least among the men.

Quote:

What makes one a betrayer? Betrayal towards ur country? Betrayal towards the love of your life as in ur family, friends and lovers? The kind of betrayal i read in here are mostly between two lovers. We in some degree had been a victim but has anyone been the betrayer at all? I have Grin I betray myself for loving him again and no its not pathetic as what one may think cos i have never stopped loving him. * CHEERS*

Actually Twinnie, I was aiming for all kinds of betrayals. But we discuss those current poster's messages. ;D And good for you if the relationship works out the second time around. What I mean by pathetic is when the person hold on to the hope that maybe someday the person will come back into their lives.

Title: Re: BETRAYAL...how does one cope with it?
Post by thebeast on Sep 27^th, 2006, 1:16am

This is not a online story but I didnt know where else to put it.

The names in this story have been changed in order to protect their reputations.

Kiss and Tell and You Can Go to Hell

There was this dude...I will call him Billy Bob....and a girl....I will call her Bobby Sue. Billy Bob really wanted to get to know Bobby Sue and take her out on a date. But Bobby Sue didnt exactly have the best reputation in town if you know what I mean. Billy Bob really wanted to take her out but he didnt want to deal with all the gossip and rumors by everyone if they saw them out together. So Billy Bob decided to ask Bobby Sue out, but he would take her to dinner and the movies in a city about an hour away from the city they both lived in. When she accepted Billy Bob asked Bobby Sue not to tell anyone about thier date. She agreed. So the next Saturday they go out on the date. They have dinner at a nice mexican resturant and they see the movie Honeymoon in Vegas starring Nicholas Cage and Sarah Jessica Parker. And after that Billy Bob even got lucky with Bobby Sue in his pick up truck next to the North Fork of the Red River on the way back home. They both had a great time and Billy Bob was gonna ask her out again the next weekend but this time he wouldnt mind staying in town. Now that he knew she was a fun girl to be with and he liked her...he understood he could deal with all the talk and rumors of the hipocrytes in his home town. But then??????????????????????????????????????

Monday morning came. Bobby Sue told someone in town that she went out with Billy Bob. Then like a wildfire, the story spread from gossiping hipocryte to the next. And each time the story spread..the story got bigger and bigger. Just like a wildfire burning down a forest in California. And each time the story got something added to it and so on and so on. When Billy Bob heard the story, it was so blown out of context...he couldnt believe it. Billy Bob was angry. He was getting questions and statements from all the hipocrytical women in town. Questions like....Did you need to get laid that bad? Statemenst like...You only took her out to get laid and so forth and so on. Billy Bob was angry with Bobby Sue also. She broke her promise to him. So due to these circumstances, Billy Bob never asked Bobby Sue out again. He was smart enough to know he dont need to deal with a blabber mouth yapper. A few months went by and he even went out and got lucky next to the North Fork of the Red River with one of the hipocrytes who was so quick to judge him. That is life in a small town. Everyone is always in someone elses business. Billy Bob was happy to leave that small town and all of those hipocrytes there in it. He lives in big city now.

Title: Re: BETRAYAL...how does one cope with it?
Post by Saffire_65 on Sep 27^th, 2006, 2:39am

Ben was the most sorted after guy in my school. All of my friends would give their life just to date this hunk! He had the cleanest record and reputation ever among the girls. the fact that he has never dated anyone else. Sounds too good to be true? Well probably he is trying to maintain his goody and pure image I thought to myself. One day he approached me and asked me for a date. He made me promised not to tell anyone that he asked me out. I never even thought why was he wanting to be so secretive about this date but anyway I was already on cloud nine and not to be bothered by those negative thoughts! Why me?!! Gosh i thought I was the luckiest girl in the entire universe.

Saturday came and we went out to a dinner and then a movie. Everything went on fine. On our way home he stopped his truck and tried to get lucky with me. Protecting myself from his beastly lust I pushed him away aggressively and slapped him on left and right and walked out of the truck with him still in shock and burning cheeks.

Back at school on Monday I told a friend of mine what a beast he was. Now I know the reason why he made me promised not to tell others. He must have dated many other girls and made them promised too. Eversince that more and more girls whom he had dated before me, came up and told their side of story. The gossips spread like wildfire and that goody goody imaged hunk lost his goody goody reputation. He became notorious overnite for a perverted jerk reputation!! Even though I knew i had betrayed him I dont feel guilty at all cos I think I have done other girls a favour! *winks*

Title: Re: BETRAYAL...how does one cope with it?
Post by Wicked_Witch on Oct 5^th, 2006, 8:57am

That's very smart of you not to have been blinded by his "popularity" that you would think he's doing you a favor by asking you out, Twinnie! [smiley=clap.gif] [smiley=clap.gif] [smiley=clap.gif] Some guys are really full of themselves they think good looks or good image are good enough for any woman to fall for them. I find that not only disgusting but also insulting.

Quote:

but people have to become more realistic and stop living in a fairy tale world. Love happens, hearts get broken...

Joel, if this is an easy thing to do there will be no people losing faith in their abilities to fall in love again, or people just moving on to find someone else. But the thing is, some people are not as strong as we are. They still cling to the hope that someday that person will find their way back and they will live happily ever after. Or that if it's not the person who cause the heartbreak, they do not believe they can be happy with someone else. And it's really frustrating especially if you are at the receiving end of this kind of treatment. You want to hit the person in the head, shout in his ears "hellooooooo??? wake up, she's not coming back anymore. if she loves you she wouldn't have left in the first place." But what will you do if the person cries and say "I'm sorry! I wish I am as strong as you, but I am not!" Or if he looks straight at you with anger in his eyes and tell you "that's easy for you to say because you were not the one who's hurting! You do not know how it kills me everytime I see her with someone else. What do you know about pain anyway? You are always happy, you are always flirting. I bet no one has ever hurt you the way I was hurt!" What can you do but turn away from the person? Life is crazy, but the people are even crazier. [smiley=silly.gif] [smiley=silly.gif] [smiley=silly.gif]

Title: Re: BETRAYAL...how does one cope with it?
Post by bad_day_me on Nov 29^th, 2006, 5:31am

awww...mom it takes long time for me to move on when they betrayed me.....my x and my bestfriend..... ive been so desperate for long time and sometimes i compare all men i met and ive been so cautious when it comes to choosing a friend ....but after i realized all of that,life must move on but it takes 2 years for me to recovered all the messed i had in life..........life is short ,i must enjoy my existence here in this world which we live in...... [smiley=daisy.gif] [smiley=daisy.gif] [smiley=daisy.gif] [smiley=daisy.gif] [smiley=daisy.gif] [smiley=daisy.gif]

[smiley=roll.gif] [smiley=roll.gif] [smiley=roll.gif] [smiley=roll.gif] [smiley=roll.gif] [smiley=roll.gif] [smiley=roll.gif] [smiley=roll.gif] [smiley=roll.gif] [smiley=roll.gif] [smiley=roll.gif] [smiley=roll.gif]

Title: Re: BETRAYAL...how does one cope with it?
Post by bad_day_me on Nov 29^th, 2006, 5:36am

Life is crazy, but the people are even crazier<<< u r right

mom!!!! i enjoyed being crazy for sometime ;D ;D

Title: Re: BETRAYAL...how does one cope with it?
Post by Wicked_Witch on Dec 1^st, 2006, 8:03am

Just always remember that nothing is permanent in this life. So if you are down now, next time you will be happy. It's a cycle, don't worry about miseries. Because it will also happen to the one who betrayed u. ;D

Title: Re: BETRAYAL...how does one cope with it?
Post by bad_day_me on Jan 20^th, 2007, 12:48am

on 12/01/06 at 08:03:42, Wicked_Witch wrote:

you are absolutely right!!!!!!!!!!!
[smiley=icon_drink2.gif]

Title: Re: BETRAYAL...how does one cope with it?
Post by Wicked_Witch on Feb 3^rd, 2007, 8:07am

Talk to friends you trust, avoid seeing the person for a while. Focus your mind on something else, go out dating even if your mind is still preoccupied by the pains and hurt. Surround yourself with people who matters to you. And lastly, try to accept it's over and he or she is not coming back, ever. Sometimes the most painful recovery is when the person still clings to the hope that the person they lost will come back to love them again. That's stupid. You are only opening yourself to more pain. So stop being a sucker and move on.