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        Romance & Relationships >> Love & Relationships >> Being on the other side...Serious advice needed
        
(Message started by: somebody on Mar 7th, 2006, 10:07pm)
Title: Being on the other side...Serious advice needed
Post by somebody on Mar 7th, 2006, 10:07pm
x
Title: Re: Being on the other side...Serious advice neede
Post by Matthew on Mar 8th, 2006, 3:54am
gone where?
Title: Re: Being on the other side...Serious advice neede
Post by Gracia on Mar 8th, 2006, 8:44am
i don't know....was that a serious advice?
Title: Re: Being on the other side...Serious advice neede
Post by Matthew on Mar 10th, 2006, 5:59am
I don't know, was it?
Title: Re: Being on the other side...Serious advice neede
Post by CooCHie on Mar 10th, 2006, 6:05am
ok i dont know what is this topic for but if you dont know then i will moved this to blabber..
is it a serious advice on love or serious advice in something else ?
Title: Re: Being on the other side...Serious advice neede
Post by okasantina on Mar 10th, 2006, 5:44pm
go ahead coochie  ::)
Title: Re: Being on the other side...Serious advice neede
Post by thebeast on Mar 10th, 2006, 11:27pm
Dont sweat the small stuff. Just get up dust yourself off and get back on the right track. If gun shy...have a few drinks of mr john daniels and go for it. If it dont work out move on...plenty of other fish in the sea. Always think positive, even when things are their worst. Never live in the past...tomorrow is a new day and a new start on life....keep a smile on your face even though you are hurting on the inside. You think you got it bad? Just remember all the millions of other people in the world who have major major problems and are just trying to survive. Take a chance every once in a while. Life doesnt wait on you. If you not careful one day you will wake up and life will have passed you by. Pray and ask for forgiveness because you know you are gonna want something or need something or screw up something sooner or latter. Dont brown nose to get what you want and dont be a hipocryte. Alway try to give 100% in whatever you do. Dont hide from  the world ..expose yourself. Be nice..but dont be nice just to be nice. Stop thinking about yourself all the time and think of others...that will get your mind off of you. Get away for a while and be all by yourself and figure stuff out and then you will realize just how much you miss and need others.  Be honest  to yourself and others and use both your heart and mind when you want to say or do something. Dont always be a leader let someone else take control every once in a while. The early bird gets the worm....the late bird starves. If you wanna run with the big dogs you have to leave the porch and seek adventure and try different things. Always be positive and look at the bright side of  things even when  things are not so great. If all of this fails? Get a gun and blow your brains out because you dont really want to live anyway.  ;D
Title: Re: Being on the other side...Serious advice neede
Post by Wicked_Witch on Mar 13th, 2006, 1:32am
Well, in the first place I don't understand why it took you years to finally realized things are not going to work out? Think of all the wasted time, the emotions invested? I think it would be very unfair to the other party, specially if he has done nothing wrong to warrant your defections? The problem is with you then? If you are the only one having problems, then you should be the only one to suffer. If both of you are having miserable lives since God knows when, why did you wait till it's too far to go back? But then I guess if you want to be happy, the only course of action to take is to get out of the relationship. But will it really make you happy knowing you have cause pains to the other party? Think long and hard before you make a decision. Maybe you just need time to get away from him for a while, but letting go? That sounds permanent. And remember the saying, "you will only realize the value of something after you lose it".
Title: Re: Being on the other side...Serious advice neede
Post by Matthew on Mar 13th, 2006, 2:17am
It's not wasted time....its just training for the better times....I never burn bridges or leave a mess....Hell, I'm usually the one getting cast away for the "more exciting"...PRICK!!!....and then i hear from them that they were better off with me in the fist place, but they don't love me....so men have to deall with women's mixed emotions, lies, deciet....and everything else...(I'm sure it goes both ways)....but being with a woman is like reading a book where the text is random and unpredictable, therefore our sense of stability in a relationship is almost non-existant.  Everyday is a guessing game and women, more often than not, feed from this and use this aspect of thier personalities to complicate "things" for us.  From there everything deteriorates for the man.  He looses all sense of security...comfort....stability....trust... It then becomes easier to just move on and start over, in theory.  But throughout my life I have seen how devistating a woman can be to a relationship because they act on emotion rather than reason in the majority of situations...then act too proud to admit they can be or are wrong about  something(any given issue)...This only muddies the waters for clear communication between the two and thats when the man starts to put distance in between the two.  A woman will pull away in hopes to find a more "understanding" companion.  The pattern will continue to repeat itself as long as women leave us in the dark about issues...fight over nonsense..(just for the sake of argument)...refuse to communicate and refuse to accept the fact they can also be wrong....A man on the other hand will admit to where he went wrong and at least attempt to find logical steps to move forward rather than dwell on the issue...When you live the problems that is where the time is wasted in a relationship...This is a general statement based on personal observation, years of consulation and moral support to friends...and many years of dealing with the shallowness and selfishness of the common woman....

Quote: "Matt, you need a nice asian girl, she won't treat you this way and she has a sense of shame attatched to her pride making her strive for perfection in the relationship, you're very special you deserve someone as good as you...."  Linda Choiu  [smiley=boat.gif]
Title: Re: Being on the other side...Serious advice neede
Post by Saffire_65 on Mar 13th, 2006, 6:28pm
Even though its hard to let go something very dear to your heart but what needs to be done needs to be done.  The sooner the better to prevent more damages done to either party.  I've always believe that in this heart rending situation both parties are equally hurting bad.  Never think its a waste of time but think of all the sweet precious moment you spent with him as a gift which will last you forever.  Sometimes we need to act cruel to be nice.... Believe it or not men recuperate faster than any women after a heartbreak.  So lift up your head, look forward and smile and take that big giant step with confidence.  All the best!
Title: Re: Being on the other side...Serious advice neede
Post by somebody on Mar 14th, 2006, 2:50am
x
Title: Re: Being on the other side...Serious advice neede
Post by Wicked_Witch on Mar 14th, 2006, 3:02am
In that case, the only way to solve ur dilemna is to get out of the relationship. At first I thought he was a good guy..now I know he's the bad guy..by all means..leave the jerk!
Title: Re: Being on the other side...Serious advice neede
Post by Matthew on Mar 14th, 2006, 7:27am
People who take advantage of thier situation obviously don't appreciate it...Matt O'Quinn
Title: Re: Being on the other side...Serious advice neede
Post by somebody on Mar 14th, 2006, 10:28am

on 03/14/06 at 03:02:00, Wicked_Witch wrote:
In that case, the only way to solve ur dilemna is to get out of the relationship. At first I thought he was a good guy..now I know he's the bad guy..by all means..leave the jerk!
Title: Re: Being on the other side...Serious advice neede
Post by Saffire_65 on Mar 14th, 2006, 1:42pm
[smiley=thinking2.gif] hmmm he sounds so familiar. are we loving the same man? LOL just kidding sweetie. Anyway, I dont see anything wrong with your man.  Think positively.. he probably work hard to better his lifestyle which also benefits you. He spends so much time with his friends probably discussing future business which would eventually double up his income and like you already mentioned that he is a very materialistic person.  Through your description, he seems decent enough and a responsible man who has never lay a hand on you or abuse you verbally.  What could have gone wrong then? Lack of communication? well women always wanted to have more time spent with their lover.  Even though how much time already being sacrificed by the men it is still not enough to us women.  Are we not a greedy species? Your man probably did not ask much from you cos he is confident that he could provide everything and doesnt want to burden you with too much of his demands. That could be his way of showing his appreciation and love towards you.  Some men do not display thier affection openly but that doesnt mean they are not able to love as much and as deep as we do.  Probably it was his way of upbringing where his parents did not display much affection for each other and he learnt from them.  So please be alittle understanding and all you need to do is to teach him how to be an affectionate person. If you have to carry a tag around your neck like "kiss and hug the cook when you walk into the kitchen" by all means do so.  If he commented on it then Voila! he actually notices you.  If you think he spends too much time with his friends rather than you then tag along where ever he goes and at the same time get to know his friends and dont forget to enjoy yourself in their company. Who knows you might get popular with his friends and him too.  Like you said he is very patient with you. well test his patience then.  Join him while he watches his favourite programme but soon after change the programme to your favourite one and get him to join you.  See what happens next and assess the situation. You also said earlier that you always accomodate to his needs well now the time has come to turn the table around.  Be the brat and soon you'll get his 100% attention. If you turn up next day with bruised eye do not blame on me... I'm just trying to help  ;D

By the way it works with my man. He is learning how to express his feelings for me more openly and he starts to call me honey. sweetheart, darling etc. yippppppeeeeeee I never forget to 'reward' him for his openess  ;)     [smiley=huepfenicon111.gif] [smiley=icon_dance.gif] Good luck on trying out  ;)
Title: Re: Being on the other side...Serious advice neede
Post by Wicked_Witch on Mar 15th, 2006, 3:56am
The way I see it base on what you previously posted about his characters...I think you are the only one who is having a problem in your relationship.  I am not sure if you are going to be honest about it, but is there another man? Because you see, the only time you will see his "bad" qualities as compared to his "good" qualities, which are more the way you describe it, is when another man is involve. I had a friend once, we used to nag him about the woman he married. But since he was so in love with her at that time, he tolerates everything she does. Then he met another woman, and maybe he fell for her also, because from then on, he noticed every little thing the wife does. The wife started to change, for the better. But since the husband now is having an affair, he made a big deal of even the tiniest mistake the wife makes. Now we nag the husband. Told him when there was no other woman, he act like  a saint, now he's the devil the way he treats her. Do you get my meaning, somebody? Maybe you have started comparing your man to someone else? Because he seems to be a good choice. Think long and hard before you decide anything. Like i said, you will only realize the value of something after it is long gone.
Title: Re: Being on the other side...Serious advice neede
Post by Fugi on Mar 15th, 2006, 4:50am
Well as one of the youngest and rookie in here lol ... i can only tell you this someone ... I'm sure you are willing to make it work but things have to come both ways.... If your hubby doesn't see what he's doing wrong than u have a serious situation... Talking things through is very important in a relationship and one of the main things that makes it last forever... what you said sounds very familiar...

My ex girlfriend had the same bad traits:

- Nothing in common to talk about (she only talked about work everywhere she went)
- She never was affectionate while i need lots
- She wanted too much freedom with collegues which were her friends
- She hardly expressed the way she felt unlike me
- Considered sex as a duty not cause she wanted it to happen or hardly
- Etc

We talked things through many times or let me say try to lol... But it always ended in a dead-end street... So there was no way out for the both of us no matter what we did it didn't work out... In a relationship it's very important to give and to take but it needs to come both ways and even more important is that u can talk to each other about everything... if not you are stuck...

My advise is that you try harder to make him understand what's going wrong from your point a view and that he tells you what bothers him... U should try to find a way to make it work again... maybe u should try to involve yourself in has activities or try to join him while he goes out with his friends....

if talking doesn't work then i can only say move on with your life you haven't found the right partner for you... As u can see there are guys like me that can express their feelings and have the need for affection and to have a conversation etc...

Anyways good luck to you and i hope that you guys can work it out
Take care
Title: Re: Being on the other side...Serious advice neede
Post by somebody on Mar 15th, 2006, 8:31am
LOL I am soooooooooooo pissed, I wrote a long reply but accidentally reset it...I will retype it up another time!!
Title: Re: Being on the other side...Serious advice neede
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Mar 15th, 2006, 6:36pm

on 03/15/06 at 08:31:23, somebody wrote:
LOL I am soooooooooooo pissed, I wrote a long reply but accidentally reset it...I will retype it up another time!!



LOL welcome to the club  ;D. Sorry, I know the feeling. (This is Cathy, btw).

OK, just my thoughts.

For me it all comes down to one thing. Are you happy? (from your posts, obviously there is something lacking. Stupid question, eh? LOL. Oh well.. ) When I was still with my ex, I keep asking myself "Is this guy what you deserve?", "Are you happy with the way he is treating you?". If you aren't sure or if your answer is a resounding NO, girl you're better off.

Even while we were together all the time sharing everything with me, from his past to his future plans, we didn't really connect. It was always about HIM. Lately, he was always with his friends and will only call me when he needs help with just about anything. When I need someone to just listen, he was never there. Yes we've been intimate but --- it was just all physical. I lost my sense of self-respect. I can't even call him my boyfriend. I was his one-woman support group, I was always by his side, always patient and willing to listen to his endless childish whinings. I came from an intimacy phobic to his f**k buddy. I was so ashamed to admit it at first, finding excuses for him. Until it finally dawned on me, this guy isn't a keeper. I know there is someone out there who will love and see me as ME. And unless I get out of the relationship, I will not be able to give myself the chance to find that someone I deserve. And at the same time give him to realise that I am not merely an ear or a body at his beck and call.

If there's but one thing I learned about being with ex was:  You can't expect people to treat you the way you want to be treated when you don't have self-importance. It's like you have to love yourself first, before you can expect that love being returned. Or if you feel beautiful, people sees that and start to see how you see yourself. I hope it makes sense?

In a nutshell, judging from your description of your relationship with this guy, you're better off. How can he realise what he have and will lose if you're still in the picture? Don't feel guilty about leaving him, he is not your responsibility. But you do have a responsibility to yourself.


Title: Re: Being on the other side...Serious advice neede
Post by CooCHie on Mar 15th, 2006, 7:20pm
Well based on the fact that I gather from your post Somebody, it seems like something is missing here.  I dont have any idea what is you husband side of story is...however, there are some facts that I know that guys are hanging more into their friends more than their family.  If that is the case, then you have to let him know how u feel about that.  If this things happen again, then obviously, he chooses his friends more than his family.  And you need to communicate with each other what you want and need from both of you.
However, there are some instances that I see that gals tend to react when guys spend some time with their friends...sometimes, guys need to get away with friends..but if they take advantage again, its bad thing.
Also, I sense that you seems bored with your relationship with your hubby.  It seems like you long for his attention and that attention you are not getting it since he seems to be always with his friends.  Maybe you need to change something with him.  I heard guys sometimes, they tried to get away with nagging wife so they rather go hang out with their friends.  Again, I dont know your husband reason why he prefer to hang out with his friends rather than hanging out with you.  But i can sense there is always a reason why guys hanging with friends...and that part, I dont have any full story about it. ...so  I cannot tell you if you are wrong or he is wrong.
All I can say is that, try to always find out what is going on why he is hanging out more with his friends and if there are steps that you both need to change then do so, if you dont think it is not worthed to change any, then what is the point if you both  are not happy.
When you first become husband and wife, there is always that thrill and compassion of being husband and wife.  Lots of times, something change we become too relax and we tend to forget that we need spice into our relationship.  Do something different with your hubby.  Maybe that is what he is looking for.  You tell him how u feel or else he never know exactly how u feel about the situation.  THe  best is communication and understanding of how u both feel about the situation.  When is the last time you both have the time for each other?  When is the last time you went out for a walk just the two of you?  Let him know how u feel or he never know  and vice versa..sit down with him and tell him that is something bothering you.  You and your hubby  are the  only one who can resolve that problem that you are having right now.  We can only give u suggestion but it is you and him alone that can only do the right way.
Hope this help!!!And good luck to you ;D
Title: Re: Being on the other side...Serious advice neede
Post by Wicked_Witch on Mar 15th, 2006, 11:58pm
Somebody, all 3 of the above posts are right on all accounts. Have your tried and search yourself? Ever asked yourself if you are helping or not in the relationship? Communication is the best in your situation. Find out what his excuses are, if he ever give any. And find out if he's just giving a lame excuse or a valid one. Work our your problems first before you make any decision that will hurt more the relationship. For all you know he was looking for something from you also. But do not do it in anger. I am sure you are aware that most of the times words that are said in anger sounds more like accusations rather than questions. And anyone would hate to be accuse of something no matter how much truth there is in that. Try to be more rational, more understanding. Make him feel guilty in a way that he will feel shame, not resentment. But first of all, search yourself thouroughly. Make sure you are doing your part and not expecting too much. Make sure you are not doing something that drives him away from you, away from the relationship. Because your man sounds like a responsible person. The only thing that bothers you right now is the way he treats you. So maybe...just maybe, he is also having a problem with you? This is not an accusation though, we're just helping you establish some facts.
Title: Re: Being on the other side...Serious advice neede
Post by somebody on Mar 21st, 2006, 7:37am

on 03/14/06 at 13:42:33, Saffire_65 wrote:
[smiley=thinking2.gif] hmmm he sounds so familiar. are we loving the same man? LOL just kidding sweetie. Anyway, I dont see anything wrong with your man.  Think positively.. he probably work hard to better his lifestyle which also benefits you. He spends so much time with his friends probably discussing future business which would eventually double up his income and like you already mentioned that he is a very materialistic person.  Through your description, he seems decent enough and a responsible man who has never lay a hand on you or abuse you verbally.  What could have gone wrong then? Lack of communication? well women always wanted to have more time spent with their lover.  Even though how much time already being sacrificed by the men it is still not enough to us women.  Are we not a greedy species? Your man probably did not ask much from you cos he is confident that he could provide everything and doesnt want to burden you with too much of his demands. That could be his way of showing his appreciation and love towards you.  Some men do not display thier affection openly but that doesnt mean they are not able to love as much and as deep as we do.  Probably it was his way of upbringing where his parents did not display much affection for each other and he learnt from them.  So please be alittle understanding and all you need to do is to teach him how to be an affectionate person. If you have to carry a tag around your neck like "kiss and hug the cook when you walk into the kitchen" by all means do so.  If he commented on it then Voila! he actually notices you.  If you think he spends too much time with his friends rather than you then tag along where ever he goes and at the same time get to know his friends and dont forget to enjoy yourself in their company. Who knows you might get popular with his friends and him too.  Like you said he is very patient with you. well test his patience then.  Join him while he watches his favourite programme but soon after change the programme to your favourite one and get him to join you.  See what happens next and assess the situation. You also said earlier that you always accomodate to his needs well now the time has come to turn the table around.  Be the brat and soon you'll get his 100% attention. If you turn up next day with bruised eye do not blame on me... I'm just trying to help  ;D

By the way it works with my man. He is learning how to express his feelings for me more openly and he starts to call me honey. sweetheart, darling etc. yippppppeeeeeee I never forget to 'reward' him for his openess  ;)     [smiley=huepfenicon111.gif] [smiley=icon_dance.gif] Good luck on trying out  ;)
Title: Re: Being on the other side...Serious advice neede
Post by somebody on Mar 21st, 2006, 7:45am

on 03/15/06 at 18:36:01, ClumsilyIdiotic wrote:
LOL welcome to the club  ;D. Sorry, I know the feeling. (This is Cathy, btw).

OK, just my thoughts.

For me it all comes down to one thing. Are you happy? (from your posts, obviously there is something lacking. Stupid question, eh? LOL. Oh well.. ) When I was still with my ex, I keep asking myself "Is this guy what you deserve?", "Are you happy with the way he is treating you?". If you aren't sure or if your answer is a resounding NO, girl you're better off.

Even while we were together all the time sharing everything with me, from his past to his future plans, we didn't really connect. It was always about HIM. Lately, he was always with his friends and will only call me when he needs help with just about anything. When I need someone to just listen, he was never there. Yes we've been intimate but --- it was just all physical. I lost my sense of self-respect. I can't even call him my boyfriend. I was his one-woman support group, I was always by his side, always patient and willing to listen to his endless childish whinings. I came from an intimacy phobic to his f**k buddy. I was so ashamed to admit it at first, finding excuses for him. Until it finally dawned on me, this guy isn't a keeper. I know there is someone out there who will love and see me as ME. And unless I get out of the relationship, I will not be able to give myself the chance to find that someone I deserve. And at the same time give him to realise that I am not merely an ear or a body at his beck and call.

If there's but one thing I learned about being with ex was:  You can't expect people to treat you the way you want to be treated when you don't have self-importance. It's like you have to love yourself first, before you can expect that love being returned. Or if you feel beautiful, people sees that and start to see how you see yourself. I hope it makes sense?

In a nutshell, judging from your description of your relationship with this guy, you're better off. How can he realise what he have and will lose if you're still in the picture? Don't feel guilty about leaving him, he is not your responsibility. But you do have a responsibility to yourself.


Title: Re: Being on the other side...Serious advice neede
Post by somebody on Mar 21st, 2006, 7:49am
b
on 03/15/06 at 03:56:18, Wicked_Witch wrote:
The way I see it base on what you previously posted about his characters...I think you are the only one who is having a problem in your relationship.  I am not sure if you are going to be honest about it, but is there another man? Because you see, the only time you will see his "bad" qualities as compared to his "good" qualities, which are more the way you describe it, is when another man is involve. I had a friend once, we used to nag him about the woman he married. But since he was so in love with her at that time, he tolerates everything she does. Then he met another woman, and maybe he fell for her also, because from then on, he noticed every little thing the wife does. The wife started to change, for the better. But since the husband now is having an affair, he made a big deal of even the tiniest mistake the wife makes. Now we nag the husband. Told him when there was no other woman, he act like  a saint, now he's the devil the way he treats her. Do you get my meaning, somebody? Maybe you have started comparing your man to someone else? Because he seems to be a good choice. Think long and hard before you decide anything. Like i said, you will only realize the value of something after it is long gone.


x
Title: Re: Being on the other side...Serious advice neede
Post by somebody on Mar 21st, 2006, 7:52am

on 03/15/06 at 04:50:57, Fugi wrote:
Well as one of the youngest and rookie in here lol ... i can only tell you this someone ... I'm sure you are willing to make it work but things have to come both ways.... If your hubby doesn't see what he's doing wrong than u have a serious situation... Talking things through is very important in a relationship and one of the main things that makes it last forever... what you said sounds very familiar...

My ex girlfriend had the same bad traits:

- Nothing in common to talk about (she only talked about work everywhere she went)
- She never was affectionate while i need lots
- She wanted too much freedom with collegues which were her friends
- She hardly expressed the way she felt unlike me
- Considered sex as a duty not cause she wanted it to happen or hardly
- Etc

We talked things through many times or let me say try to lol... But it always ended in a dead-end street... So there was no way out for the both of us no matter what we did it didn't work out... In a relationship it's very important to give and to take but it needs to come both ways and even more important is that u can talk to each other about everything... if not you are stuck...

My advise is that you try harder to make him understand what's going wrong from your point a view and that he tells you what bothers him... U should try to find a way to make it work again... maybe u should try to involve yourself in has activities or try to join him while he goes out with his friends....

if talking doesn't work then i can only say move on with your life you haven't found the right partner for you... As u can see there are guys like me that can express their feelings and have the need for affection and to have a conversation etc...

Anyways good luck to you and i hope that you guys can work it out
Take care



\
Title: Re: Being on the other side...Serious advice neede
Post by somebody on Mar 21st, 2006, 8:03am

on 03/15/06 at 19:20:23, CooCHie wrote:
Well based on the fact that I gather from your post Somebody, it seems like something is missing here.  I dont have any idea what is you husband side of story is...however, there are some facts that I know that guys are hanging more into their friends more than their family.  If that is the case, then you have to let him know how u feel about that.  If this things happen again, then obviously, he chooses his friends more than his family.  And you need to communicate with each other what you want and need from both of you.
However, there are some instances that I see that gals tend to react when guys spend some time with their friends...sometimes, guys need to get away with friends..but if they take advantage again, its bad thing.
Also, I sense that you seems bored with your relationship with your hubby.  It seems like you long for his attention and that attention you are not getting it since he seems to be always with his friends.  Maybe you need to change something with him.  I heard guys sometimes, they tried to get away with nagging wife so they rather go hang out with their friends.  Again, I dont know your husband reason why he prefer to hang out with his friends rather than hanging out with you.  But i can sense there is always a reason why guys hanging with friends...and that part, I dont have any full story about it. ...so  I cannot tell you if you are wrong or he is wrong.
All I can say is that, try to always find out what is going on why he is hanging out more with his friends and if there are steps that you both need to change then do so, if you dont think it is not worthed to change any, then what is the point if you both  are not happy.
When you first become husband and wife, there is always that thrill and compassion of being husband and wife.  Lots of times, something change we become too relax and we tend to forget that we need spice into our relationship.  Do something different with your hubby.  Maybe that is what he is looking for.  You tell him how u feel or else he never know exactly how u feel about the situation.  THe  best is communication and understanding of how u both feel about the situation.  When is the last time you both have the time for each other?  When is the last time you went out for a walk just the two of you?  Let him know how u feel or he never know  and vice versa..sit down with him and tell him that is something bothering you.  You and your hubby  are the  only one who can resolve that problem that you are having right now.  We can only give u suggestion but it is you and him alone that can only do the right way.
Hope this help!!!And good luck to you ;D
Title: Re: Being on the other side...Serious advice neede
Post by somebody on Mar 21st, 2006, 8:20am

on 03/15/06 at 23:58:24, Wicked_Witch wrote:
Somebody, all 3 of the above posts are right on all accounts. Have your tried and search yourself? Ever asked yourself if you are helping or not in the relationship? Communication is the best in your situation. Find out what his excuses are, if he ever give any. And find out if he's just giving a lame excuse or a valid one. Work our your problems first before you make any decision that will hurt more the relationship. For all you know he was looking for something from you also. But do not do it in anger. I am sure you are aware that most of the times words that are said in anger sounds more like accusations rather than questions. And anyone would hate to be accuse of something no matter how much truth there is in that. Try to be more rational, more understanding. Make him feel guilty in a way that he will feel shame, not resentment. But first of all, search yourself thouroughly. Make sure you are doing your part and not expecting too much. Make sure you are not doing something that drives him away from you, away from the relationship. Because your man sounds like a responsible person. The only thing that bothers you right now is the way he treats you. So maybe...just maybe, he is also having a problem with you? This is not an accusation though, we're just helping you establish some facts.
Title: Re: Being on the other side...Serious advice neede
Post by Saffire_65 on Mar 23rd, 2006, 6:33pm
Well dear let me share with you some truth about men...(this was given to me by a very dear dear friend of mine ) Perhaps this will make things alot more easier for you to make the decision to move on without feeling guilty  ;D

Advice from Oprah about men

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behaviour.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to
be.
Slower is better.
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly
happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you
deserve
then heck no, you can't "be friends".? A friend wouldn't mistreat a
friend.
Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he
probably
is.
Don't stay because you think "it will get better."? You'll be mad at
yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you
any
differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.
If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man's behaviour. Change comes from within.
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if
he has more education or in a better job.
Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing
less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on
you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is two way
street.
You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute
about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... a relationship
consists of two WHOLE individuals... look for someone complimentary...not
supplementary.
Dating is fun... even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes... when a man always know where you are,
and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.
Never move into his mother's house.
Never co-sign for a man.
Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that  you
need.
Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
Share this with other women... You'll make someone smile, another
rethink her choices, and another woman prepare.

We could learn a lot from crayons:
some are sharp, some are pretty,
some are dull, some have weird names,
and all are different colors....but
they all exist very nicely in the same box.
Title: Re: Being on the other side...Serious advice neede
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Mar 23rd, 2006, 8:13pm

on 03/23/06 at 18:33:09, Saffire_65 wrote:
Well dear let me share with you some truth about men...(this was given to me by a very dear dear friend of mine ) Perhaps this will make things alot more easier for you to make the decision to move on without feeling guilty  ;D

Advice from Oprah about men.....


WOW!!! You hit the nail in the head! It echoes all our sentiments about men and relationships in a nutshell. Well done, Saffy!  ;)

I'll make my friends read this. Seriously. Thanks for sharing.  :-*
Title: Re: Being on the other side...Serious advice neede
Post by Matthew on Mar 24th, 2006, 5:33am
As a man I feel it is my responsibility to protect her heart and  cherrish her beauty, despite the common lack of valor and and the dying art of chivalry being exhibited by most men, there are us few that will serve the needs of women.  We are merely human, we bear strengths and weaknesses...we must be there for each other to fill the voids in each other. [smiley=sweetheart.gif] [smiley=sweetheart.gif]
Title: Re: Being on the other side...Serious advice neede
Post by Wicked_Witch on Mar 24th, 2006, 7:40am

on 03/23/06 at 18:33:09, Saffire_65 wrote:
Well dear let me share with you some truth about men...(this was given to me by a very dear dear friend of mine ) Perhaps this will make things alot more easier for you to make the decision to move on without feeling guilty  ;D

Advice from Oprah about men

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behaviour.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to
be.
Slower is better.
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly
happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you
deserve
then heck no, you can't "be friends".? A friend wouldn't mistreat a
friend.
Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he
probably
is.
Don't stay because you think "it will get better."? You'll be mad at
yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you
any
differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.
If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man's behaviour. Change comes from within.
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if
he has more education or in a better job.
Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing
less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on
you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is two way
street.
You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute
about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... a relationship
consists of two WHOLE individuals... look for someone complimentary...not
supplementary.
Dating is fun... even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes... when a man always know where you are,
and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.
Never move into his mother's house.
Never co-sign for a man.
Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that  you
need.
Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
Share this with other women... You'll make someone smile, another
rethink her choices, and another woman prepare.

We could learn a lot from crayons:
some are sharp, some are pretty,
some are dull, some have weird names,
and all are different colors....but
they all exist very nicely in the same box.


What else can I say? It's all there and it's all true! ;D


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