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        Romance & Relationships >> Love & Relationships >> How do you define possessiveness? 
        
(Message started by: ClumsilyIdiotic on Apr 14^th, 2006, 2:48pm)

Title: How do you define possessiveness?
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Apr 14^th, 2006, 2:48pm

How can you tell if the attention you've been getting is too much?

Can you step back without hurting the relationship or the person you love?

To a degree, does having a 'possessive' boyfriend give you a sense of security? Of pride? Knowing that he's crazy about you? But when do you say it's getting too much? That it's starting to suffocate you?

There is no such thing as a perfect relationship, that while we struggle to make it so, putting so much effort and commitment, something is bound to happen and you discover a few flaws from from each other.

If you were to choose only one and NOT in between, would you rather have a bf that is overly protective (who wants to make sure you got home safe, that you got to work on time, etc) or who gives you too much space you sometimes ask yourself if he truly cares about you?

What makes a person overly protective? Is it due to lack of trust that you are perfectly capable of looking after yourself? Or is it just concern over random acts of violence and whatnot?

Please share your thoughts.....

Title: Re: How do you define possessiveness?
Post by Gracia on Apr 17^th, 2006, 4:29am

Quote:

To a degree, does having a 'possessive' boyfriend give you a sense of security? Of pride? Knowing that he's crazy about you? But when do you say it's getting too much? That it's starting to suffocate you?

As long as it will not come to a point that it will suffocate you, i think it's just his way of manifestation of his love. However, I don't think it can gauge sense of security, perhaps from his part but on the woman's part, does she has to do the same to measure it? Pride? could be for the time being.

On the other hand, some women prefer to be treated like that, thus, it all depends on women's perspective. If time comes that his possessiveness doesn't give you much appeal, suffocate you rather, possibly it's not the kind of relationship you want to live forever. Think twice if you want to pursue, or flee while there's time.

Title: Re: How do you define possessiveness?
Post by Matthew on Apr 17^th, 2006, 6:10am

I find that often women aren't able to advance in business or life many times due to jealousy in the relationship...

Title: Re: How do you define possessiveness?
Post by Wicked_Witch on Apr 17^th, 2006, 1:07pm

I made the mistake once of hiding my emotions, when i get jealous, when something he does actually hurt or affected me. I did it because I thought if i show any sign of possessiveness, he might take it the wrong way and well...i guess i was trying hard to please him, be what i thought would be an ideal girl for a man. How wrong I was! He took it to mean that i am so liberal in my thinking that a few flirtatious acts wouldn't matter. Sometimes though it hurts...i just say things in a joking way like "hey, aren't u getting too cozy with her?" To which he would reply...."humnn....are you jealous? nahhhh....it's not like you. I think even if you find me in bed with another woman u would just say..." oppss, i'm sorry..i didn't know the bed is occupied!". He got used to it that even when it was really happening, he was able to convince me that it was not true. That jealousy is not in my nature that he will never believe me of being jealous of anyone. I think that's one of the biggest mistake i have ever done in my life. Not showing what or how i really feel. Now...whenever i get jealous....i tell the man seriously, not jokingly and he thinks it's kinda sweet and he feels secured in my feelings for him. Of course i don't just get jealous without obvious reasons. Possessiveness is not a good trait. They are for people who are insecured. They are big worrier. And because they worry about a lot of things, sometimes they create their own monster in their minds. And once it's been created, they easily convince themselves that it is true. Thus, the trouble in the relationship begins.

Title: Re: How do you define possessiveness?
Post by CooCHie on Jun 29^th, 2006, 7:03pm

It is hard to define possessiveness except to compare to being an obsession if it over done too much. A person who is being possessive tells something that he/she is not secure of something. A sense of pride is just being too selfish and too self conceited way of feeling it. However, if it is done the right way, and balances the right way, it feels great. But then if these two mix together and there is no status quo to balance it, it will turn into a disaster. Being possessive in someway is a good thing but then if it is smothering the other one, it turns into obsession and obsession turn into being as if you are being suffocated. I kind of compare that to my question when is enough is too much and when is too much is not good enough. Just a thought from coochie co!!!

Title: Re: How do you define possessiveness?
Post by CooCHie on Jun 29^th, 2006, 7:07pm

on 04/17/06 at 06:10:22, Matthew wrote:

I find that often women aren't able to advance in business or life many times due to jealousy in the relationship...

I say both ways [smiley=icon_drink.gif]

Title: Re: How do you define possessiveness?
Post by Wicked_Witch on Jun 30^th, 2006, 12:20pm

But going back to the choice given, I think I would rather be with a man who is being overly protective than with a man who is too liberal in his way of thinking that sometimes I doubt if he cares about me at all. At least I can see and feel that he really cares. I hate guessing games.