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(Message started by: norkay on Nov 30th, 2004, 8:31am)
Title: OPEN RELATIONSHIP
Post by norkay on Nov 30th, 2004, 8:31am
Well let me share first how i understand about open relationship. I think when you say open, everything yours is mine, mine is yours.Both has the freedom that you're able to do what you wanna do and no control made by both sides.It's like "do whatever you want to do as long you dont forget your obligations or part to me".

Do you like this kind of relationship?

Do you think this is a good idea when having a relationship?


Share ;) ;D
Title: Re: OPEN RELATIONSHIP
Post by norkay on Nov 30th, 2004, 8:39am
I'll put it like this...a relationship is between two people who want to be together. If you have an open relationship, whats the bloody point in actually "being together" with a boyfriend or girlfriend? Why date at all? Why not just sleep around, not be tied down, and do what you want? Because to me, thats the idea of an open relationship. COMMITMENT is the key word here when you want to be in a relationship. If there is no commitment at all,then theres no point in an open relationship. If you like the guy/woman, great, stay with him/her. If you want an open relationship, you're asking for him/her to go out or you want to go out, sleep or be with another girl/man you may or may not know, then come back to you like nothing happened, or you may do the same to him/her. I think that's no longer a relationship, it's just messing around! Because when we say relationship, this includes commitment. :)
Title: Re: OPEN RELATIONSHIP
Post by need4speed8dalejr on Nov 30th, 2004, 9:08am

Ya....I was in an "Open" Relationship once....only I didn't know about it. Lmao.

She fooled around with sooooo many guys, and of course I didn't know about it until after I got rid of her, sometimes Love blinds you so much you can't see straight. [smiley=dead.gif]

I think the only way I would be involved in an Open relationship, would be if I trusted the other person, and everything was talked about and agreed upon before the relationship started.

A friend of mine was involved in just such an open relationship. He started to date an airline stewardess who only stayed in town maybe once or twice every couple of weeks. They got together whenever she was in town, and they agreed that what happened when they were apart was none of the other person's business. They seemed happy until she lost her job, then she wasn't able to come see him...so they broke up. What a shame. She was a real cool chick.
Title: Re: OPEN RELATIONSHIP
Post by norkay on Nov 30th, 2004, 10:52am

on 11/30/04 at 09:08:50, need4speed8dalejr wrote:

I think the only way I would be involved in an Open relationship, would be if I trusted the other person, and everything was talked about and agreed upon before the relationship started.



Yes Dale but huh, don't you think it still sucks and very uncomfortable thinking that she still can do what she wanna do since you both agreed to make the relationship "open"? :-/
In this kind of relationship, it would come out to be like this....truths are free,lies are expensive.....lmao!

So for me, i'll make it this way.If you love me,be sincere,be honest and stay with me.If you want to be with another girl,leave and dont expect me to feel fine and go on with the relationship with you,because if you really honest with the relationship,why did you go see another girl which you know this would put the relationship into a risk situation?Hmmm :P
Title: Re: OPEN RELATIONSHIP
Post by mylane on Nov 30th, 2004, 6:36pm

on 11/30/04 at 08:31:17, norkay wrote:
Do you like this kind of relationship?
Do you think this is a good idea when having a relationship?


For those who are afraid of commitment, open relationship is the best solution. Some people just love their freedom to much that they can't compromise.  If you are not committed with a guy meaning if you date or flirted with other guys that doesn't mean that your cheating. See! that is one of the best thing of not being committed.

Why do we need to be committed in a relationship if we're not even sure that we can be faithful. For me, there is a two types of relationship: relationship with future(potential permanent partner) and the one with no future at all (fun to be with, but not to marry).

If I'm not inlove with the guy, yes I will have this kind of relationship,  an OPEN one.

I like the idea of open relationship meaning no exclusivity but nobody even wants to have a open or close relationship with me...yay!  ;D
Title: Re: OPEN RELATIONSHIP
Post by norkay on Dec 2nd, 2004, 5:21am

on 11/30/04 at 18:36:59, mylane wrote:
For those who are afraid of commitment, open relationship is the best solution. Some people just love their freedom to much that they can't compromise.  If you are not committed with a guy meaning if you date or flirted with other guys that doesn't mean that your cheating. See! that is one of the best thing of not being committed.

But i never believe this kind of relationahip will work,you allowed your self to be in a relationship because you love him or her,why then that you want to put the relationship into a risky situation?I wonder if you won't jealous if you see him with another girl. ::)For me,if we want to get into relationship,that means love from each other is there,the effort from each other to work it out should always be there and one of the most important thing to consider in order to make it work is honesty.It is simple,if one of you wants to leave,for some reason,then be honest.I am sure it hurts for the one who will be left but at least after the break up,you can accept and both say,"Anyway,we have done everything to save the relationship but still it didn't work so we really dont mean for each other".


Quote:
If I'm not inlove with the guy, yes I will have this kind of relationship,  an OPEN one.

For me,i advice not to allow a relationship with a guy whom you are in love with.Why dont you just enjoy his/her company and go out for a date sometimes,i am sure you both can. ;D


Quote:
I like the idea of open relationship meaning no exclusivity but nobody even wants to have a open or close relationship with me...yay!

Maybe because they dont want an open one with you.He wants you to have him ALONE. ;D
Title: Re: OPEN RELATIONSHIP
Post by Analyn on Dec 2nd, 2004, 8:18am
not for me... if we go into a relationship it has to be you and me only... if you can't do that...better we part before hurting each other...I'm a faithful woman...so when I go into a relationship then you will be my world, my life and my all...so don't dare look or be with another if you don't want to lose me, for once I'm hurt you will never have me again  :P  8)

open relationship for me is when both of you didn't mention love and didn't have sex...in short just MU... no commitment...unexpressed feelings... he can't claim her as his nor you can't claim him as hers...whew, that's really hard..i've been there but in the end i made him expressed his feelings  ;D... action is better than words...but sometimes words mean a lot to me..hehehe...but still in the end, it didn't work ...but at least our open relationship became a "close one"  ;)
Title: Re: OPEN RELATIONSHIP
Post by mylane on Dec 2nd, 2004, 8:52am

on 12/02/04 at 05:21:15, norkay wrote:
But i never believe this kind of relationahip will work,you allowed your self to be in a relationship because you love him or her


You don't but some do believe in this kind of setup. Love is not always the reason to be in a relationship, theres is other things than love though mostly love is the greatest reason. Sometimes spending time with each other, being funny and silly doesn't mean love. Remember, being comfortable with someone  does not mean you two are also compatible.


Quote:
effort from each other to work it out should always be there and one of the most important thing to consider in order to make it work is honesty.


Most of the time no matter what you do, things will not work as you want it to be. Thats why there is a song " I did my best but I guess my best wasn't good enough". Relationship is a big gamble either you win or the other way around .



Quote:
For me,i advice not to allow a relationship with a guy whom you are in love with.Why dont you just enjoy his/her company and go out for a date sometimes,i am sure you both can. ;D


But then again it will lead to a relationship. Much better to be in a relationship to know your partner better. If things didn't work out then no problem. Don't play if you don't know the rules. Like I said two types of relationship one with future and no future. Have fun with the wrong ones while your waiting for the right ones. Life is too short.
Title: Re: OPEN RELATIONSHIP
Post by norkay on Dec 2nd, 2004, 10:10am

on 12/02/04 at 08:52:07, mylane wrote:
Most of the time no matter what you do, things will not work as you want it to be. Thats why there is a song " I did my best but I guess my best wasn't good enough". Relationship is a big gamble either you win or the other way around .

No further comment but since you put relationship like a gamble let me tell how i think about gambling which has some similar things that are to be applied in a relationship.

Thats why we need to give efforts on the relationship in order to see and no blames after it didn't work.It's a big gamble,you said, but in gambling needs a lot of concentrations too or you will lose,or no matter how much concentrations you give,if your cards are not good,you can't do anything but then you still have to fight,who knows theirs are even worse than your cards.If in the end you still lose,atleast you have played your best and no one can't blame you,because you did your best.If you didnt do your best,well,naturally you will say because I wasnt concentrating or whatever reasons after.

Well,i'll have to accept i am totally against about open relationship because I'm a very jealous type of person. :-/
Title: Re: OPEN RELATIONSHIP
Post by Analyn on Dec 2nd, 2004, 12:47pm
a relationship minus love is an open relationship... how can you let someone you love be with another or let the one you love see you with another? once i commit it's forever...if something happens on the way, so be it..as long as while it's still "us" it has to be you and me only... we go into a relationship because we want to be with each other forever and not to test each other and just be there when you need or want each other when no other another is around...so NO NO to open relationship
Title: Re: OPEN RELATIONSHIP
Post by mylane on Dec 3rd, 2004, 5:37am

on 12/02/04 at 10:10:58, norkay wrote:
if your cards are not good,you can't do anything but then you still have to fight,who knows theirs are even worse than your cards.If in the end you still lose,atleast you have played your best and no one can't blame you,because you did your best.If you didnt do your best,well,naturally you will say because I wasnt concentrating or whatever reasons after.


One more comment, kinda out off the topic but since u mentioned cards as your example of gambling, remember there are many types of gambling, some of them don't need much concentration. You don't even have to try harder, most of the time gambling its all about luck... that is if you believe in luck.
Title: Re: OPEN RELATIONSHIP
Post by okasantina on Dec 4th, 2004, 4:20pm
  Is this some sort of a "MU" .... should i say "Mutual Understanding?"  ::) You stay together, do things together, spend time with each other where u share everything -- except commitment.


  It goes like this...Are we? We're on but we're not....I'll be your boyfriend -- sort of, and I'll be your girlfriend sort of".  Spendin a lot of time together but free to date other ppl. In other words, they dont even go through the usual motions, rituals, and obligations typical of a couple who is goin steady.  Commitmentphobia that is the right word for that!  Well for me these days, commitmment is about giving one's whole self - exclusively naturally follows.  And may think that relationships have floundered becuz once two ppl would discover that intense connection, the tendency was for one of us to reflect on it and get scared  :-/  But what will i gain from it ... if i found out myself that im becoming scared already?  Evenif there wasnt that kind of connection in my previous relationship,,,is that a way for me to know what to look for now??


  Its like just finding out that we enjoy each others company  becuz of the similar interest, but also constantly learning from each other.  Goin Steady has become an alien concept...why? becuz this days ppl date and go out regularly , yet there seems to be kind of understanding that they are not tied or limited to each other only. Why is this so?  though we may have the best time w each other, we want to pursue other things also or try other ppl....For me its not unusual to become nervous about the status of the affair and begin to press for closure....its like u can ask this way.."Its fun if fun is all you're after but it gets confusing in the long run..."  but should not be like a threatening.  Or i should request whats the real status,,,giving him time u know .... or an ultimatum! where u can demand a closure and a threat to end the relationship...if things are not clarified or if no commitmment is made.  


  Timing is everything...i will surely talk to him and make sure what i know and what i want and assure myself what i feel towards him.  But in a firm and friendly way... il give him time to make up his mind. If he cant then i should stick to my word to end the relationship.  Then ,,,, time to MOVE ON!  ill get on and start workin in my life...And should get priorities in order and think of what i want ... And if we're on the same page.... well that would be great!  If not, either take it to the next level or let it go.  ;)
Title: Re: OPEN RELATIONSHIP
Post by mylane on Dec 4th, 2004, 4:39pm

on 12/04/04 at 16:20:42, okasantina wrote:
 Timing is everything...i will surely talk to him and make sure what i know and what i want and assure myself what i feel towards him.  But in a firm and friendly way... il give him time to make up his mind. If he cant then i should stick to my word to end the relationship.  Then ,,,, time to MOVE ON!  ill get on and start workin in my life...And should get priorities in order and think of what i want ... And if we're on the same page.... well that would be great!  If not, either take it to the next level or let it go.  ;)



To simplify, don't commit unless your sure about yourself and  to your partner as well.
Title: Re: OPEN RELATIONSHIP
Post by okasantina on Dec 4th, 2004, 4:46pm

on 12/04/04 at 16:39:03, mylane wrote:
To simplify, don't commit unless your sure about yourself and  to your partner as well.


That is what the Open Relationship goes...no commitment but enjoying each others presence. More Freedon Less Demands.  A relationship w o commitment and very little expectation is the healthiest way to enjoy life  ;)
Title: Re: OPEN RELATIONSHIP
Post by MissFartyPants on Dec 4th, 2004, 5:54pm

on 12/04/04 at 16:46:44, okasantina wrote:
That is what the Open Relationship goes...no commitment but enjoying each others presence. More Freedon Less Demands.  A relationship w o commitment and very little expectation is the healthiest way to enjoy life  ;)



Very well said Tina. My sentiments exactly.
Title: Re: OPEN RELATIONSHIP
Post by gracia on Dec 16th, 2004, 11:24am
i'm kinda greedy...."nobody owns you but me"...

open relationship all depends on the agreement of both parties, nothing wrong with it.....as long as both parties agreed and accept the situation as it is, so be it.  We do have our own choices and we do make it.  In my case, i want commitment...because i'm not a gambler...open relationship is a big NO NO to me.  But if my man, wants to play with other creatures...God forbid!!! i'll give him all the time to play...and i wont mess it and I want to be out of it! Meaning....ur outta my life!!!
Title: Re: OPEN RELATIONSHIP
Post by norkay on Dec 17th, 2004, 4:27am

Grace....hugsssss  ;) :-*...i can feel the temperature was going up while you typed this one  ;D.I understand the way you feel about it and it makes me smile.....we have the same feeling,sis! ;D and i bet i would be like you when i got a hubby....greedy as you say. He he! :P
Title: Re: OPEN RELATIONSHIP
Post by kim on Dec 17th, 2004, 5:16am
The concept of an open relationship is very interesting. I've always wanted to try it but i just cant start a relationship with someone that i dont love. Thats why i cant do one night stands too. Becasue i will jst end up feeling sorry for myself when i wake up in the morning falling inlove with the guy who just wanted sex.

But gracia is right. It depends on both parties. Open relationship is ok if both parties agree on it but if only one wants it and the other doesn't then that would be a big problem...

I am a veeeeeery veeeeery jelous type of girl... Although i'm not the type that would scream kick and pull the hair of my bf's other girl  ;D.... I want my man to be all mine and no one else.. I dont want to be his number 1. I want to be his only one. So i guess an open relationship will never work for me....

OK wait... I once had a bf that cheated on me n i forgave him but ended up in separation still. After a few month that we were no longer together we started seeign each other. I was mad at him still but the feeling was still there. We began to make love again everynow and then but we were no longer in a relationship. At first it was ok because i was thinnking that atleast i have a part of him. But as the time passed by i started feeing sorry for myself and feeling so hurt because all he wanted was free sex. He didn't want the committment but i wanted it. So i gave up on him and never saw him again till now... Um that was year 2000  ;)
Title: Re: OPEN RELATIONSHIP
Post by Need4Speed8DaleJr on Jul 5th, 2005, 8:30pm
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