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        On the Lighter Side >> Blog Central >> A Witless Twit
        
(Message started by: ClumsilyIdiotic on Mar 30^th, 2006, 9:27pm)

Title: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Mar 30^th, 2006, 9:27pm

I thought my blogging days are over. Apparently not.

I am missing you so bad right now, baby. Why did you have to go to work today? :( Can you not miss having dinner at your parent's place tonight? It's just one night. :( Can you not go tomorrow? Why did you have to go every Thursdays?

Why did we have to be so far away from each other? :(

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Mar 30^th, 2006, 9:33pm

What shall I do with all the days and hours
That must be counted ere I see thy face?
How shall I charm the interval that lowers
Between this time and that sweet time of grace?

Frances Anne Kemble

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Mar 30^th, 2006, 9:34pm

I am tired, Beloved,
of chafing my heart against
the want of you;
of squeezing it into little inkdrops,
And posting it.

Amy Lowell, "The Letter"

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Mar 30^th, 2006, 9:41pm

“When all is said and done, you are part of me. That's the way it was meant to be. People are brought together for a reason, everything happens for a reason. I believe the reason that you and me were brought together was because we complete one another. We fill in each other's missing spots with love. And if someday God decides to tear us apart, I trust that there is a reason. Cause if there is a reason for love, there is a reason for life beyond it.”

Author Unknown

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Mar 30^th, 2006, 9:43pm

“As I look back on all that's happened..growing up, growing together, changing you, changing me -- there were times when we dreamed together, when we laughed and cried together. As I look back on those days, I realize how much I truly miss you and how much I truly love you. The past may be gone forever.. and whatever the future holds, our todays make the memories of tomorrow. So, my lifetime friend, it is with all my heart that I send you my love, hoping that you'll always carry my smile with you, for all we have meant to each other and for whatever the future may hold.”

author unknown

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Mar 30^th, 2006, 9:46pm

“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love.”

Washington Irving

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Mar 30^th, 2006, 9:49pm

“I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring out.”

Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Mar 30^th, 2006, 9:54pm

“They say when you are missing someone that they are probably feeling the same, but I don't think it's possible for you to miss me as much as I'm missing you right now”

author unknown

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Mar 30^th, 2006, 9:57pm

“I miss you when something really good happens, because you are the one I want to share it with. I miss you when something is troubling me, because you are the one who understands me so well. I miss you when I laugh and cry because I know that you are the one that makes my laughter grow and my tears disappear. I miss you all the time, but I miss you most when i lay awake at night and think of all the wonderful times we spent with each other; for those were some of the best times of my life.”

author unknown

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Mar 30^th, 2006, 10:02pm

Awwwwwww ...... I didn't think you are missing me too ........ thank you for the short message, sweetheart .....

I Love You

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Mar 30^th, 2006, 10:54pm

I am so tempted to post the short video you took of yourself just now. I love it! You look so innocent and endearing!

I love you soooooooo much! Just when I thought I was alone in feeling 'miserable' about our distance .... you will never cease to amaze me, sweetheart. Over and over again, how do you do it? Are you even aware of it? I'm not sure you do.

===========

awwwwwww LOL... you sent me another vid! LOL. Oh baby! You are spoiling me! You sound and look like you're doing a commercial on TV, a very lousy one at that! LOL. Sorry .... awww I'm cracking myself up here.... awwwww I Love you!!!!

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Apr 5^th, 2006, 3:51pm

I'm missing you. Why has it been so great this past few days, I'm clueless. It's frustrating! So damn frustrating!! Sometimes I feel like giving up, it's so much easier than dragging the months until we can be together. Why did you have to be so far away?

So many questions tearing me up inside. Torn. You're pursuing and living your lifelong dreams, so am I. Unlike you, I am at a liberty to pack my bags and throw caution to the wind. But that would be the most irresponsible thing for me to do right now.

I didn't want to tell you this because I don't want you getting excited over nothing, or at least til I get everything settled. I was thinking of taking a few weeks off work between October or November. Work schedule is going to be hectic from June to September. I just learned that we will have a new project on October ........ (I was wishing we could have spend your birthday together ..... or our 5 year anniversary ........ why did we waste so much time?!)

Perhaps if we don't spend our every waking moment talking with each other, we would miss each other less? Shall we sleep more? Shut down our computer so if we both wake up in the middle of the night, we wouldn't be tempted to talk or send messages? Go out and meet other people? Hang out with friends? Are we going to go mad if we don't find a way to communicate for a full day? or half a day at least?

This same technology that is making every virtual thing possible to stay in touch is the same thing that is tearing my heart inside out right now.

I wish we can be able to close our eyes and sense each other's touch. Baby, don't be jealous of strangers I meet, or of the person I sat on the bus next with. Of random smiles? Chance meetings? I do feel the same way. I know exactly how it feels like.

Why do we need a freaking visa to visit someone from another country? Why do we have depressing thoughts? Why are we allowed to wish but our wishes not being granted at that instant? Why can we not love without restrictions? Why can't we be irresponsible for once and not regret the consequences? Why did it take me so long to realise what I want? Why did we meet that day on June five years ago? How can you be so sure we are meant to be together? For each other? A divine plan, you figure?

All I know is that I miss you and you're all I think about. I close my eyes and see you, unable to touch.....

I'm going to take on a romantic adventure of my lifetime. It's either now or never. You or no one else. Us or nothing. Love or a life with no direction or inspiration. What's the point in living if not for this irresponsible thoughts? Why do we have to live by certain standards? Do they feel what we feel? Do they understand our situation? Is my life theirs to dictate? It is mine, so therefore, I'm in control. I, and nobody else.

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Apr 6^th, 2006, 9:48pm

cold feet

(Let's make it through December first).

Why am I not excited? Isn't this what we've both been waiting for? Are you not going to change your mind? Have we made the right decision?

Let me breathe?

Give me space?

Is there no turning back?

cold feet

Don't re-arrange your life for me until we meet. What if I want to stay here? What if I realise I'd rather be on my own?

A life of recluse.

cold feet.

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Apr 6^th, 2006, 9:55pm

Can I take some time off without you realising I'm taking some time off? Why do you sense the subtlest of signs? Stop asking me if everything is alright between us .......

Can I quit in the middle of it?

Can I make this one through without pushing you away?

cold feet

Give me uncertainties instead.

I want to step back
------- for awhile
----- will you let me?

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by nOrKAy on Apr 7^th, 2006, 6:28am

Sorry Cathy, but I can't help to write. ;D

First glad to see you back blogging. I was sadly surprised when I saw your blog was deleted.

I read your new entries and glad to know you're/ we're both in love. :) And shucks, I think we have the same attitudes in expressing our feelings and moods. LOL.

;D

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by CooCHie on Apr 7^th, 2006, 6:43am

;DHmmm there must be a love potion going around .....

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Apr 8^th, 2006, 4:54pm

Yo ladies! So nice of you to drop by. ;D

on 04/07/06 at 06:28:31, nOrKAy wrote:

It's probably 'coz we've been reading to much romantic novels that it somehow resonates through our bloggings ;D. It helps to have a blog, because if there is something that is bothering you and you don't really feel like talking about it or let it be known to the person concerned.... you blog. It's such an outlet for me.

I felt I had to have my blogs deleted because I freaked out. I thought my boyfriend was going to come here and read it. Apparently, he did not. I was just embarrassed and have no idea how we would react to my blog entries about other men in my past. LOL. He knows about it, but not the entire story coz he doesn't want to hear about it. He gets a little bit jealous..... (ooo I'm babbling! LOL)... Anyway .... so nice of you to drop by, Kris. Hope all is well with you?

on 04/07/06 at 06:43:59, CooCHie wrote:

;DHmmm there must be a love potion going around .....

Yo coohie coochie coo! LOL. jk! ;D Indeed you are right, there is a love spell going around. And it's spreading through my fart. LMAO. ;D

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Apr 8^th, 2006, 4:58pm

I just got to share this one. It's a response by Joey when I asked him one of my silly inquiries.

Me: Baby, why I am farting like a machine gun? And why does discreet fart smells and the louder your fart, the less it smells?

Here was his response.

"its' because you are the healthiest girl alive! did you know that every time you fart, a little bit of your soul escapes!? so you better stop! u might not have much left by now! no seriously. the reason is because farts love attention! the little farts got jealous at everybody laughiing and clapping at the loud farts, so they had to come up with their own way of letting their presence known!....if somebody farts and nobody hears or smells it, does it really exist?? i'll let you think on that one!"

He knows that I'm a chronic farter and everytime we chat, he crack jokes that makes me laugh so hard til the side of my stomach hurt! ;D

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by Wicked_Witch on Apr 9^th, 2006, 5:19am

Stop being mushy, ladies...it's contagious. :P

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Apr 9^th, 2006, 10:53pm

on 04/09/06 at 05:19:43, Wicked_Witch wrote:

Stop being mushy, ladies...it's contagious. :P

I can't help it, even if I wanted to :( . Trust me, Edith, Even I want so bad to snap out of my mushiness. ;D

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Apr 9^th, 2006, 11:06pm

on 04/09/06 at 22:55:28, ClumsilyIdiotic wrote:

Story to follow later.

too lazy and sleepy to edit... where did the freakin photos go? re-sized and now is gone? oh well....

edited for the 4th time.... what the hell?!

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Apr 9^th, 2006, 11:10pm

before and after
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v189/clumsilyidiotic/flamingo/DSC00251.jpg

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Apr 9^th, 2006, 11:10pm

damnit! where did the link go?? damnit! oh well .... goodnight.

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Apr 9^th, 2006, 11:12pm

Ha! It worked! But now I'm too sleepy to put the other pics ;D

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Apr 10^th, 2006, 10:59pm

I am seriously freakin out! Two weeks! How in the hell am I ever going to sort everything in two weeks? I'm freaking out! Big time! (Breathe, Cathy, breathe ....... ).

I need to focus, if I need to get on medication to be focused, I will. I must! Two freakin' weeks! I ain't wonderwoman. Am I supposed to make miracles? Damn it! Why did it have to be me? I'm not confident at all. Yes, I may have know more than the two of them put together, but that doesn't nearly cut it. I'm not cut out for this thing. Awwwww .... pressure, pressure!

Okay, my manager spoke to me this morning about a business conference in the U.S. Of course I was excited! I was ecstatic! I was beyond words, I was numb all over. My head was in the clouds, I might as well be walking on air. Oh, the business conference, she's taking me with her. You'd be nuts to turn down an opportunity like that. So everything was going smooth, finally calmed down a bit. Phoned Joey and told him the good news. He's only a few hour drive from where we (Manager and I) will be staying! A stroke of fate you'd think, right? Right! That's what I thought before surfing on in the itinerary for that conference thing. Day 1 is a freaking round-table discussion. How can you not freak out? I might as well be the tiniest, dorky looking creature in that room. I might as well be invisible. Hell, my manager is tall, blonde and not bad looking, I'm vertically challenged for crying out loud! Plus, I'm burned to the bones. My whole face is red, minus the circles around the eyes where my sunglasses were. I'm looking like an owl and a lobster!!!! How can I not freak out? Plus, I have been eating irresponsibly. My tummy has reached to my sides, I'm looking like a muffin. I might as well be the founder of the Muffin Club. Damn it!

And where does Joey fit in in all of these chaos? I don't even know where to start. After getting him excited for the chance of finally meeting face to face --- I'm freaking out! I want to bail out from meeting him, we have December anyway. I'm feeling like a frog, looking like an owl and a lobster .... can anything get any worse than this?

Ok, back to the conference thing. I am expected of course by my manager to bring my thoughts. She has such high expectations for me, no doubt, or she wouldn't have picked me to go with her. She gives me too much credit, is all. Yeah, she's a her, so don't get any ideas. Round table discussion? Face to face? Oh dear! I'm not looking forward to the interactions either. Oh dear! Can't I record my thoughts then push play whenever I'm expected to share? They wouldn't notice, right? I'm too tiny, my head can't possibly reach the table when I'm seated. I'm not talking about lying down on the table, use your imagination. I suck at giving descriptions. Hell, I suck at writing too, but who cares? I desperately needed to vent.

That's only Day 1, it's a freaking five day conference and I've got two weeks to collect my thoughts. What is going on in the operational level? User complaints. Technical side. Accounts/Finance issues. Poor documentation and/or lack thereof. Technological aspect. How do I freaking start? How or where am I going to fit all the information necessary for me to prepare?? Where? How? I can't meet Joey. I just can't. I'll lose it, if I do. My head will be in the clouds, daydreaming with my mouth open, I'll be a freaking circus out there!

And it's not even funny :(

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Apr 13^th, 2006, 1:03pm

The experience from the US Consulate wasn't half as bad as I expected it to be. Apart from the waiting and the smell of everybody else in the room, it wasn't bad at all.

Now that we've got that out of the way, the waiting until until our flight, long hour flight, is the tricky part. I wouldn't know what to expect. Hell, I still can't believe I'm going to the States and the company is paying for it.

I feel like venting ...... what with all the stress and pressure in the last few days. Why can he not understand? Why is he being selfish? In my present frame of mind, I'll welcome the thought of him changing his mind about meeting .... but he's made a LOT of effort and preparations already. Which only adds to the pressure.

(Give me time to breathe. Is all I ask. Just one day. Just give me time to breathe).

I am close to suffocation. Why won't you let me have some time off? Is it because of the distance thing? We've known each other long enough, we should feel comfortable with not talking for a single freaking day! Just one day or half a day without you constantly on my back. When is it going to be enough? Don't get me wrong, I enjoy and look forward to talking with you.... but these last few days.... just too much in my head. Surely, you'd understand... must I pick a fight with you so I can have space? I do miss it. Don't you? We have a commitment. We've made it this far, and we're finally going to see each other in two weeks!!! Just give me one day. To let everything that is happening sink in. I have to constantly pinch myself. Surreal. How can you expect me to relax and be calm? I've got expectations to meet, you of all people should understand my apprehensions.

Why are you being selfish? Why do you not understand? Nothing is going to happen to me if you don't hear from me for a day, my feelings aren't going to change, I'm still me, you're still you. What is one day?? It's not even a full day for crying out loud!

I don't feel bad that we fought this morning. I am in fact, a bit relieved. I tried to be rational on my response to your email. I really hope you won't come up with anything sweet or thoughtful to say this time. Keep your ground. Stay mad at me, if only for today.

I need to breathe.

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Apr 18^th, 2006, 6:58am

Damn it! Eight minutes to eight in the morning and already I'm in a sour mood.

I have NEVER found it flattering or whatever I can't think of a more appropriate word as I am in a pissy mood --- whenever somebody make a comment about how I look. I just don't get it.

I'm not freakin pretty or cute or whatever!!! I'm not ugly either. My personality is so much more interesting than what you see at first glance. I'd rather be called witty or a major pain in the ass than a anything that pertains to the face. Damn it!

It really pisses me off! Tell me how much of a nut I am and I'd be smiling from ear to ear. Tell something about how I look and you'll see me growl.

OK, I'm running late for work already.......................... aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh....... must you spoil my mood this early in the morning? You should know better than anyone.

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Apr 23^rd, 2006, 9:33pm

Ooooooooooo I'm hating you right now. I hate that you've got a new boat. I hate that you've been going out fishing every freakin weekend with your dad since you got that freakin boat!!!!!!!!! ................... I just hate you right now...........we barely have time to talk.............damnit!!!!!!!!

damnit damnit

I wish you won't catch a single fish this time........................... damn it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why must you go fishing again?? Can't your dad go on his own? Can't you spend the weekend with me?? Now I'm finding it annoying that you always have family stuff going on. Why did they not have another son?

I just hate you right now...........fine! Let me get used to this. Fine! Go fishing for all the weekends of your life...............damnit!

I hope it rains today.

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by Wicked_Witch on May 1^st, 2006, 7:51am

Yo, catherine, where art thou? [smiley=roll.gif] [smiley=roll.gif] [smiley=roll.gif]

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on May 4^th, 2006, 4:25am

on 05/01/06 at 07:51:14, Wicked_Witch wrote:

Yo, catherine, where art thou? [smiley=roll.gif] [smiley=roll.gif] [smiley=roll.gif]

Yo Edith! Wassup? LOL... Just been incredibly busy. I don't even know where to start. I'm staying at (North) Myrtle Beach, South Carolina ..... everything is surreal.... I really don't know where to start, the whole experience is just overwhelming.... let me see if I can concentrate enough to blog :-/

Oh, thanks for dropping by. :-*

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on May 4^th, 2006, 4:26am

The GREATEST I have ever had or imagined ..... just WOW! I can't even begin to describe it.

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by Wicked_Witch on May 4^th, 2006, 5:54am

What are you doing in SC? :o

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on May 8^th, 2006, 11:12pm

09 May 2006
5 minutes past 12 Midnight

Back in Dubai, back to reality .......

I'm still finding it hard to believe what has happened in a week's time. Two days in NY City, six days in Myrtle beach, SC. Meeting Joey for the first time. Wow! Just wow! We lost a day because we missed our flight from JFK airport going to NJ airport that will take us to Myrtle beach. It was frustrating because Joey and I only have the weekend... so we lost one day.

The experience was amazing! I am beyond words, as usual. It's funny how a chatter like me who often has the tendency to blabber is speechless. It was the best 38 hours of our lives!

It really is frustrating.... parting was the hardest thing.... it broke my heart seeing his face....

We can't wait to spend the rest of our lives together.... we just wish it can happen soon.

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on May 8^th, 2006, 11:27pm

One Heart, One Love

I can only kiss your lips
Embrace one body
Sense one touch
Feel one love.

Because I have only one heart
and only one love;

You are my heart
You are my love;

Together

We are one heart, one love.

© 2006

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on May 23^rd, 2006, 3:19pm

new page

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on May 23^rd, 2006, 3:31pm

I tried but I can't ............................

is there no light switch for this one? It's too dark.

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on May 25^th, 2006, 9:11am

While I'm still waiting for the video to upload, if it ever does that is, it has been taking forever to wait and I'm getting sleepy. I have tried three times before, but I just don't have the patience.

ooOoo

The decision to slow things down and sort of cool things off has been a very good decision for the both us. The last two weeks have just been emotionally exhausting for both him and me. We were constantly arguing whether or not there is a future for us seeing as my affiliation with a particular religious organization is posing a huge threat to our relationship. I can not nor will I ever leave my faith for anything or anyone. We can't have a future together unless I do so, he does not want to convert. Because according to his research, my religion is upholding false doctrines. He desperately wanted me to defend or at least try to reason out with him, but it's just frustrating for me. I mean, in my entire life, I have never had any reason to put so much effort into anything. It's hard to explain. I mean, I have never had the patience for anything really, to some extent I still don't, if I ever have an ounce of patience in me to begin with. I did try sending him articles about my 'responses' to his questions and inquiries, but it's a never-ending and long winding subject. I mean, come on! Religion is the one subject in the world that I'm hands-off. I am not being a proper Christian for admitting and practising so, but....... I digress.

The fact that his dad is a preacher (Baptist) and his mom is a Methodist, he grew up questioning things and not take anything for what they are. That is one of the things I love about him. So he went on a spiritual journey which later took him to a "Protestant" belief that no one true religion exists and so on. To which I disagree, among other things. It really is complicated.

I'm stubborn as you can get. My reasoning, if anything gets complicated and I have to stress myself out to make a decision or come up with a solution, at best, I would give it a week, more than and I'd just throw in the towel. Goodbye, so long, over, zilch! If it's broken, let somebody else fix it! LOL. I mostly drive people away if they get too close for comfort, keeping a certain amount of breathing space in my life is very important to me. If I feel trapped in any way, it puts me on a different ----- I don't have a word for it ---- frame of mind? mood? phase? all of the above or a combination of? I can't even begin to explain.

I carefully chose what I'd allow myself to be worked up about. Life is just too damn short and complicated enough as it is! No one has any right to barge in in my life and turn it upside down, just because he can. NO! I would NOT stand for it. Or at least not for long or more than once (for one person. LOL. I mean come on, you've got to set a limit to how many times you can allow one person to step on your pride and self-respect. Just one! Half more and it's not acceptable. It just isn't.) I'd admit to having feministic views in life in general, women empowerment and stuff. Girl power! LOL. (Shut up, Cathy stick to the topic.) I'm in a preachy mood and Joey is to blame. He preaches at me :(. A flesh-and-blood-guy-next-door type who actually reads the bible! AND who does not put up with my tendency to pouting or sulking. I'm childish and immature and disorganised and scatter-brained and compulsive-impuslive, and so on. Someone who will be able to put up with my personality has always been a challenge. I've given up all hope. There were few that put up with anything and everything that I dish out, but it was too boring. It was like being in a relationship with a dog. I'm sorry for the analogy, but that is just how I describe the one and a half relationships I've had before. Totally lacking challenge. It was scary in a way that it was almost adoration. Ewwww. No way! Just too boring. Always knowing what to expect. Not having to lift a finger for anything. I'm unbelievably lazy but I don't expect people to clean up after me as I'm not looking forward to doing the same..... I digress... how did I get to this subject?

(Come on, video, upload already..... I'm SO sleepy :( ) Oh well, what the heck. I hope this gets posted even if I press stop and then post. I'll be pissy and ready to kick butts if this gets lost. When is this forum going to have an automatic or Back button function? I don't mind paying for that feature so long as I don't have to lose anything. I know there's always the good 'ol cut and paste thing but why walk when you can fly? LOL.

I need to get some sleep.... I'm seriosuly losing it. Alrigtht folks, the video won't upload. I'm uploading it theough my phtobucket account and yes, you genuises laughing your asses off, I know the difference between an image and a video and I browsed through the instruction on the video thingy page, but I didn't actually read it ... I don't have patience for reading instructions... I prefer playing it by ear. Like resting your back or sitting on wet paint 'coz I didn't or don't ever pay attention. I just do things automatically without even thinking.... yeah sleep.. bed is beckoning.....

I'm going to bitch big time If I lose all these....... keeping my fingers crossed, about to hit post.

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on May 25^th, 2006, 9:12am

Ha! It worked! Yay! Imma happy puppy... the video is still uploading. Poor thing, it keeps trying.... I'll just cancel and try again later.

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on May 25^th, 2006, 9:33am

OK, I read my blog. Boy, that was messed up. It totally described the state of my apartment and brain. Ha! Funneee, Cathy.

Ok, let me tell you something about Joey. MY Joey, I noticed that there's a new member who signed in. That's not MY Joey. He's probably the Joey from "Friends" which would be hilarious! Oh Hi, Joey but not MY Joey, new member!

OK.... (focus Cathy...)

ooOoo

Here's the juice on Joey. Few things that comes to mind when I think of him, not in any particular order:

sincere
sweet
caring
thoughtful
sweet
funny (sometimes annoyingly so)
responsible
driven
family-oriented
very intelligent
witty
loves outdoor/adventure
adorably hot
so so caring (annoyingly so sometimes, will explain when I feel like it. LOL)
reminds me of my mom
got bigger boobs than mine
smells good
can't sleep without TV on
snores VERY loud
sweet
he spoils me sometimes

he's a gift. All of the above wrapped up in one.

Now the not-so good side.

gets ballistic and overly concerned when he does not hear from me for 2 hours or so (not while he's sleeping though)
gives me a hard time everytime I log out on him in the middle of a heated discussion :(
sleeps too much (not enough pee break in between) pee break = actual peeing + a brief message to the other before going back to sleep

this is all I can come up with at the moment...

I really do need to get some sleep now......... it's 1032am in case you're wondering.

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on May 25^th, 2006, 9:35am

Red over bluish.... not a good combo. Oh well..... I'm sleepy.

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on May 25^th, 2006, 9:44am

Well folks, I really did try my best but I waited for 8 minutes and it still won't upload.. I do need to get some sleep now.....

I'll try again later.

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Jun 10^th, 2006, 8:46am

"I think about how it might have been
We'd spend our days travelin'
It's not that I don't understand you
It's not that I don't want to be with you
But you only wanted me
The way you wanted me

So, I will head out alone and hope for the best
And we can hang our heads down as we skip the goodbyes
You can tell the world what you want them to hear
I've got nothing left to lose, my dear
So, I'm up for the little white lies
But you and I know the reason why
I'm gone, and you're still there

I'll buy a magazine searching for your face
From coast to coast, or whatever I find my place
I'll track you on the radio
And I'll sign your list in a different name
But as close as I come to you
It's not the same

So, I will head out alone and hope for the best
We can pat ourselves on the back and say that we tried
And if one of us makes it big
We can spill our regrets
And talk about how the love never dies
But you and I know the reason why
I'm gone, and you're still there

So, steal the show
And do your best to cover the tracks that I have left
I wish you well and hope you find whatever you're looking for
The way I might've changed my mind
But you only showed me the door

So, I will head out alone and hope for the best
We can pat ourselves on the back and say that we tried
And if one of us makes it big
We can spill our regrets
And talk about how the love never dies
But you and I know the reason why....."

So I'll wait it off until after your birthday ........

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Jun 10^th, 2006, 9:03am

Make me wait it off for a few more days. Perhaps I'm just having a bad day? Lack of sleep for the past weeks... work has been crazy lately, life has been unfair.

Can we survive a day without a single word from each other? I wonder.

I miss the old times. Are we both trying too hard? Why won't you want to give up? Why won't you let me give up? I just want to give up... I'm tired.

Few more days you asked ..... I'll try.

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Jun 10^th, 2006, 10:16am

A call I couldn't make ....

Hi Mom! I miss you. I miss how things were.... Life was so simple. Dull and lacking the challenges, but simple. Safe. But simple.

Can you not help me decide whether to hold on or give up? How long am I going to continue messing it up? I swear I'm trying hard this time. I couldn't care to count how many times I wanted to give up --- but he wouldn't let me. My love for him wouldn't let me. If it were just me, my old self, I would have given up so long ago.

I recall imagining your face lit up as I tell you about him. There is hope for me, still, I was able to tell from your voice. I recall being relieved and feeling silly for keeping him a secret from all of you until that day. I felt I was released from a huge burden ... for a while at least.

It feels as if he and I both have put our lives on hold waiting for the other to change his/her mind. A decision has been made between us. I would never leave the church, he tells me he knows enough about our faith and that he wants me to leave it so we can have a future together. Why does it have to be this hard? I wish I could say I don't understand why I'm having to choose and that the decision was difficult, but it's not and it wasn't. It doesn't make sense sometimes, but I will remain true to my faith. I know in the end His will will prevail and my faith is being put to the test. I will not fail Him. He who has blessed me so, and continuing to do so, with patient and understanding of a Father .... regardless of my endless shortcomings. I'll pray that He give me the strength ....

==========

It never cease to amaze me how you can feel everytime I am in a dilemma. I had to wait several seconds to pick up the phone. I didn't want you to hear that I was (or still am) a little bit upset, but I can't hide anything from you, Mom. Please help me get throught this one ...... this one is special or I wouldn't have hold on until now. I wouldn't have mentioned him to you if not. Please help me hold on. Please help me be strong.

Thanks, Mom. I'll call you back later.

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Jun 11^th, 2006, 2:06am

Three more days! Feels like an eternity if you're wanting to get something done. I sound so callous. As if eager to get rid of something of little importance. How could anyone be eager to part with something that has become so much a part of your existence?

I'm grieving ..... I feel I have lost you already and it's just as well. I'm giving in to the temptation that looms ever so constantly over me, of late. Can somebody please make it go away?

I miss you and missing you already. Why am I feeling this way? Make it go away please? Take me back to the beginning or at the time when we are not pressured into making a life altering decision.

Why won't you just give up? Or let me give up. I can't take anymore of this. It's torture. Eating me up from within. I have nothing left. When sleep seems to be the only escape .... it too, is proving to be elusive. How do I find comfort these days? Oh God, how I miss you. I'm going to miss you. I'm missing you so much that it wakes me up... that while my body and mind is exhausted... it calls for you. Make these thoughts go away, please? Just like you used to?

Baby, I miss you ...... I can't tell you how I feel. I need to be strong. I must be strong. How long must I put up a front? Mask my sorrow with a smile? Baby, you know I can't. Why must we go through this? You say it comes as part of the natural progression of things. I can't put your life on hold any longer. I just can't. I already have made a decision and I would never change my mind. I would sooner be dead than leave my faith. It's the only thing that keeps me sane and rooted. How can you not understand that?

I couldn't bear the thought of you not being able to move forward with your plans because of me. I feel I'm just wasting your time. I am hurting so bad, please take this pain away.

I Love You, SO SO much! Sometimes I feel it's unfair. We were so happy, why did we have to chose? I do not know how much longer I can hold on ..... just let me give up.

ooOoo

Please, make this pain go away .......... just like you used to when I was younger and doesn't know any better. I wonder what happened to that book. I used to talk to you through pieces of paper I slip in that book. We used to be so close ....... Father, why won't you make this one go away? Am I not your child anymore? You know I would never betray you, I thought about it sometimes. No one can hide anything from you .... can I please be spared of those moments of weakness? How much longer are you going to put my faith to the test? I am hurting.. please make it go away. Please? I'll turn to you again, I promise. Just make it go away.

Father, as I close my eyes tonight. Please make tomorrow nearly as perfect as it used to be. Even for a while, Help me gain my strength back. Help me have a semblance of hope ...... I do trust in You. I still do. I will never betray my faith. Not now. Not for anyone, or anything. Not for ever.

Help me to be strong .... every time my knees weaken as if wanting to give up, please raise me up with a renewed sense of hope and purpose. With a promise that all will be in place, and Your will shall be done. Help me trust in it.

I leave everything in Your hands now ........ please help me keep the faith.

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Jun 11^th, 2006, 2:41am

Three more days and I'll say goodbye. Can't put your life on hold because of me any longer ....... you and I can finally have peace of minds ..... or can we?

Three more days ..........

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Jun 15^th, 2006, 9:02pm

Today is the fourth day. Ha! Go figure!

Now I'm finding it amusing how nearly close I was to having an emotional break down. Or was it actually considered a breakdown already? Oh well, who cares right?

He just joked about it when I told him I'm breaking up with him, he says he understands that it was a full moon that night.

I'm SO sleepy! Fpur more hours to go ....... ahhh can't wait to get home.

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Jun 15^th, 2006, 9:07pm

Why can't I talk about anything else but the male species in my blogs? Tells so much about me. ;D

I am SO freakin' sleepy! Slept at six in the morning, woke up at 12 noon, got out of bed at 2ish pm, got to work at 4pm. Home in 4 hours and 35 minutes ......

I am SO freakin' sleepy and this forum is drying if not dead already. Not nearly as exciting as it was before. Where did the old regs go? This used to be their playground too ....

'Miss the 'ol times ...... where art thou playmates? ;D

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ReeBop on Jun 15^th, 2006, 10:08pm

I want to know where everyone went too. Is everyone on holiday?

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by Wicked_Witch on Jun 16^th, 2006, 12:11pm

Just took a vacation...sheez...we do have a vacation leave here, right? I need to mend a broken dream.. :P

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by nOrKAy on Jun 30^th, 2006, 4:44pm

Catz!
Yay, I enjoyed reading! :) I just hope it ended both of you joking and cuddling, though, and stay in love. ;D

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Jul 8^th, 2006, 8:50pm

Yes Kris we are still very much in love. ;) I could not recall the times I called it quits with him though and he's never taken it seriously - thank God! ;D He knew that I would feel differently the next day after an outburst. I was just being a baby! LOL.

We have reached the point in our relationship that we are both secure and comfortable with how we feel for each other. He too gets a little dramatic at times when I purposely not stay up late on my day-off just so we can chat. I feign exhaustion or tell him I'm hanging out with friends and won't get home til late. LOL. It just amuses me how he would pout about my not being able to spend time with him or whatnot. He is such a sweetheart really, but sometimes what gets my goat is when he gets selfish by expecting me to stay up late or wait up for him when he gets home from work which is 2am (Dubai time), and once he got a lilttle bit 'tampish' (term he created when one of us is in a 'tampo' mood. LOL) because I was still sleeping when it was time for him to get to bed and he can't sleep without talking to me. He is such a baby!

Sometimes, lately, in fact, I got upset because I've developed(?) insomia. I couldn't sleep and even if I did for say, 2 hours, I would wake up to take a piss (how ladylike ;D) then it would be impossible for me to get back to sleep. I've been taking 6-8 sleeping pills to help me sleep at night. And it didn't seem to bother him --- it seemed to me he was more concerned about spending my every waking minute talking to him than me getting my much needed rest :( That is the only thing I don't often appreciate about him. But sometimes I find it sweet how he seeks my attention --- a big baby he is.

On a side note, my laptop is out of service, that is why I haven't been able to post lately. There was a problem with my monitor inverter - it looked like a mobile phone without the backlight. I googled and found out that it's a glitch on Sony VAIOs. Unfortunately, since it was a gift from my sister, the warranty does not cover overseas.

Anyhoo, I'll be getting off work shortly .... need to rest my eyes for a bit... thanks for dropping by guys. :-* Catch yall later.

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Jul 14^th, 2006, 12:51am

I only recently realised that I missed my old self. The extremist. How being in love with Eli awakened so much passion in me that I have always hope existed but actually doubted. While I am still easily angered or offended by the smallest of things, I am more calmer now. Which is strange --- and I do miss it. I miss my being unpredictable. The mood swings.

I miss the so many emotions I display at a drop of a hat. Raging lunatic one second, a textbook hopeless romantic the next minute. I miss being disappointed and almost painfully hurt -- that I have knots in my guts.

Do I miss Eli? I'm not certain. He was to me ------ I can't quite word it. It's almost impossible to describe --- he is certainly an angel for opening my eyes to a lot of things, to the possibilities, to the inconceivables, to the good and not so good reality of life. I do, however, remember wanting to be a better person for knowing him and sharing in his experiences.

Strange how the memory of one man has so much effect on my life until now. I have not heard from him since moving here to Dubai. Not a word.

As for the love of my life, his love has given me a sense of security and stability. I have never known love they way he makes me feel. And I have never felt so blessed.... or dreamed about being as blessed I am right now, not just because of the love we have for each other but for having a sense of purpose and belonging and of appreciation.

Strange how the mere thought of Joey snaps me back to reality ----- but I do miss ----- a lot of things.

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by nOrKAy on Jul 19^th, 2006, 8:15am

Great to hear great things from you again, Cathy. ;D But hmmmm, Eli, Eli...ha! Hehe.

By the way, just dropping by. ;D

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Jul 28^th, 2006, 2:59pm

I miss you :(

I miss YOU ....... I miss YOUr inspiring words that comforts me whenever I'm troubled. I'm missing YOU so bad .... come make my world better again? Like the old times?

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Aug 12^th, 2006, 8:13pm

I am once again drawn. Like an obsession that won't cease. It goes away for a while. Until it haunts me again, like a ghost that steals your peace of mind. Wondering, constantly seeking anwers.

What happened to you? Why do you not return my messages? How long shall I hopelessly wait in vain? I'm still living in the past, in the memories of who I was when we were still talking. I have never felt so larger than life. So hopeful and dreamy. You are without a doubt an angel that touched my spirit, my entire being.

I will not be the same.

ooOoo

I am recently finding myself searching online for any glimpse of 'YOU'. Without luck, for even your website is gone. I am reading your posts from five years ago. Searching from within me any semblance of the man I used to regularly talk with. YOU are practically all over cyberspace. Seeing your footprints. Always a hundred footsteps behind but never as close as I hope I would be.

All I know is that you're back in Boston. You'd be surprised how I found out. In fact, I am even more tempted to take another step. Obsessed, you might be thinking? I do not know, I do not care. All I'm certain of is I am single-minded in my pursuit of knowing how you are doin now. However long it takes, whatever the means.

I wish there is a single person with whom I can speak about you. Nobody understands. Not even you. I talked about you with Joey one time, the outcome wasn't pleasant. I tried to make him understand that nothing about what you remind me of is romantic. And it always is strange that when I'm thinking about you, I will end up thinking about Joey. It's making me crazy. I can not think about or of YOU and solely YOU. It sometimes is frustrating ..........

I'm wanting to write a book. Mostly about YOU.

(Joey's up ------- impeccable timing as always.)

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Aug 25^th, 2006, 1:00am

Damn it! Why did you have to break our silence? It's only been three days. Now I have to respond to your email. Damn it! Didn't I tell you that I don't want to be cordial with you either? I am beginning to be genuinely comfortable with the silence. It's only been three freaking days! You don't have to ask me how I'm doing. You know damn right I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself.

I'm so pissed! Why the hell did you have to send me an email? If you're wondering about how I'm doing, find a diversion. Talk to yourself, think outloud. I don't care what you do just don't send me an email. It's too soon. You need to figure things out on your own from now on. That is why I suggested we quit talking. Damn it! I had no doubt you'll be the one to break the silence, but it's too freaking soon! Go out with your friends, meet new people, go out on dates, I don't care! I know you'll find your way back anyway, you always do. This is just something that we both needed to do at this time in the relationship.

Be silent for a while. You must figure it out on your own.

Please don't send me any more emails after today. Please? I need not hear from you. It's for our own good. I want you to realise how important a part of your life I have become. And you to mine. But I don't have to figure that out. Unless you do, we will never get past the religion issue. If you never do, as I said, life goes on. If not you, I have no doubt that there is somebody out there who deserves me. Cocky? Absolutely not! I know what I'm worth and I'll not have any one less deserving. Otherwise, it's selling myself short. You are only as important to people as you allow to be treated.

I can't wait forever this time. I've given you one too many concessions already. It's time that you walk that extra mile.

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Aug 28^th, 2006, 7:52pm

"I had to do it. It wasn't easy but I had to...."

(previous blog deleted)

And so ......

i am once again.....

StoneD.

Where's that imaginary friend when you need it?

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Aug 28^th, 2006, 8:02pm

hmmmm I'm in a mood to spill some beans ... ;D

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Aug 29^th, 2006, 9:00pm

new page

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Aug 29^th, 2006, 9:02pm

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Sep 9^th, 2006, 3:41pm

I'm pissed. Frustrated. I feel the need to self-destruct. I'm sort of relieved that I'm in a pissy mood. In fact, I miss bitchin'.

Don't you just hate it when you need to accomplish something SO bad but you can't move forward to proceed with your plans because you're waiting on someone (suddenly feel aggravated for remembering why I was/am(?) pissed) .... movin' on.

No, that's why I'm here. To vent. (So vent!) I will!

I'm frustrated because I still haven't received the invitation and/or supporting documents from my sister so I can go ahead with my visa application. It's been two freakin weeks and the more I have to wait, the more I'm loosing interest. I'm not too excited about visiting my sister in Seattle, to be honest. I just wanted to get away from here. I don't - I can't be celebrating the holidays in the company of friends with their boyfriends. It gives me all the more reason to hate my predicament.

I want to go to Boston. Yes, Boston. Who the hell is in Boston you might ask? It's a long story. But the more I think about it, the more the thought appeals to me. The mere thought of going there without a definite destination excites me. Not knowing a soul. Then why Boston of all places? Eli is there. (Yeah, you may shoot me now).

Still obssessed. Possesed with --- what? I have no clue. I'll not rest til I find out for certain.

On a side note ......

Today is almost day 5. One of us breaks the silence on the 3rd day. That's how it was in the first two weeks. I got through this Friday without my fingers itichin to dial his number. If I got through the next Friday, I'm home free. What's so special about Fridays? Try watchin a romantic movie while thoguhts of someone you care so much about weave in and out of your consciousness. (t's torture!) While you refuse to give in to the temptation. Which I did. Which gives me something to celebrate about.

I just want to get away soon. Please let it be soon.

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by Wicked_Witch on Sep 13^th, 2006, 9:12am

Well Cathy, I hope by this time you both have worked out your differences. Sometimes when these things happens, it compensates for those who are not in any relationships like me. But when I see happy couples, I get envious, too. Oh well, like they say, you can't have it all. Goodluck.

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Sep 13^th, 2006, 7:21pm

Hiya Edith, so refreshing to hear any word from you :)

I think I've reached the point where I have truly given up all hopes in me and Joey sorting out our religion issue. It's a stupid yet complicated issue. It's getting jaded really. Neither wants to compromise. So there!

But it's all good. I suppose I've got used to being independent, especially that I'm living here by myself. It does make sense now why online relationship appeals to me. I still have my independence while enjoying having that fulfilling feeling of being in a relationship.

I do get envious too any time I see happy couples, but then again I just tell myself 'the grass is always greener on the other side'. ;)

It's all good here.

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Sep 16^th, 2006, 2:04pm

No I will not lay down
I will not live my life like a ghost in this town
I am not lonely swear to God I'm just alone
I'm back on my feet
I can just close my eyes and forget everything
My house is empty every memory blown away

Oh the sound of the wind through my bones makes me laugh
at all the bodies I kissed and never knew
Oh the sound of a lover's sympathy falling down to the floor
just barely out of reach from me

No I will not go back
every word thats been hiding inside of my head is running blindly
look behind me nothing's left
I can sit in a room
I can hear myself breathing and be quite amused
life is simple like the wrinkles on my skin

Oh the sound of the wind through my heart makes me glad
for all the ones that never knew my name
Oh the sound of a lover's sympathy
I had to go could not stay here
they were always out of reach from me

The Sound Of
(Jann Arden)

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Sep 17^th, 2006, 2:16pm

Grrrrr! What are you going to do with a girl friend who is trying to set you up with a colleague? I told her time and again not to give my phone number away. Well, she didn't exactly. But she did, and cunningly so. She borrowed the guy's mobile phone to call me.

This guy, and my girl friend both work at the Quay Health Club. Fitness instructors working on their license, but that is beside the point. He and I "met" at the colleague bus stop one evening, we chatted only for less than 8 minutes, obviously that brief encounter left an impression --- on both of us. I excitedly shared the 'encounter' with my girlfriend that same night while I hopped on the bus. The next day, the guy did the same thing. He was asking for my number, my friend told me, and to make matters more excting - the guy already has a girlfriend -- a colleague of mine who is a paramedic! And who is my namesake as well.

Everytime this guy and I 'meet' at the bus stop we'll say an awkward Hi and a meek smile to each other. The next day, I will hear of it from my friend.

My life is okay - while lacking excitement and inspiration at the moment, but not looking for trouble either.

At times I ask myself if I'm being overly cordial which guys often mistake for something else? I don't know. Perhaps it's just me? I truly don't know. It will often start with a semi, sometimes un-engaging conversation, and the next thing I know the guy is giving me his work schedule or his calling card, or his room number, or offers to help me out with my workout program or the likes! It's flattering as it is annoying. One time this guy even 'confessed' to not knowing how to swim and tried, in vain to get me to help him learn.

It's just freakin' annoying!! It's so high-school if you ask me.

Is it something about my personality? Do I look lonely and desperate? A damsel in distress? Is it the way I carry out a conversation? Guys desperate for a shag?

It's just freakin' annoying!

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Sep 17^th, 2006, 7:31pm

I changed my mind about Boston. Ha! After watching 'Braveheart' for the 17th time, it awakened my deep rooted fascination with the place. (Okay, let me get this straight. The thing that fascinates me most about the Emerald Isle is the people - their spirit. It's just amazing!) Now what about Scotland? Hmm.. I'm all the sudden confused. The pipes, kilt (although the sight of pale legs underneath those sexy plaids is a bit of a turnoff), their history ... there's just no word.

(One look at the date was enough to distract me. LOL).

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Sep 17^th, 2006, 7:32pm

The word is Celtic. My fascination with the Celts. So there.

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Sep 17^th, 2006, 8:04pm

Twenty seven more minutes to kill.

I miss my laptop :( I had to send it back to my sister in Seattle because it's still under warranty but that's before taking it to a Sony Service center here and was told that the LCD monitor needed to be replaced. Which is ridiculous of course. I'm not going to spend about 600$ for it to get fixed.

Anyway ......

I'm bored, that's why I'm here. I have all the time in the world. Which is a pity since I did not have time to spare before ..... (don't go there Cat......)

My girl friend (the same friend I spoke about in my previous blog) called me last night telling me she's confused. The bf - ex bf who broke it off with her a little over month ago phoned her. Just a few lines to see how she's doing. (Mood shift - again! Damn it!) This morning I woke up from an SMS from her. Asking my opinion on what she needs to do. I replied "Hit your head either with a shoe or slap your face twice. Wake up and smell the coffee. Move on, girl. You're better off". I know it was harsh, but it's the truth. It was just the night before when she excitedly told me that she's giving (insert new guy's name here) a chance. Why is she letting the ex turn her life upside down again. I'm not being insensitive or whatever. It's not my story to tell anyway and it's a long story.

In a way, she is kind of like me. We are drawn to men who are emotionally challenging. It's hard to explain. Men who aren't dogs. By that I mean, guys who you can't wrap your pretty little fingers with. They don't just sit when you ask them to sit. They don't wag their tails when you so much as bat your eyelashes. Are you with me now? A man who is undoubtedly a man. Not the bad boy type or the nice guy type either. Almost like in between but more or less a combination. A man who makes life challenging in all sense of the word - whatever that means. Unpredictable. Not knowing what to expect. Sometimes he says Yes when you want him to say so, disagrees with you even when you're close to getting frustrated because you just have difference of opinions. Someone you have just enough in common with to make life a little bit simpler, but leaves room for growth and discovery. Patient and supportive. Agressive and gentle. (Got to stop here lest I get carried away).

Funny yet sensitive. Responsible but knows how to have fun. Non-smoker a must. (I said STOP! Damn it!)

(I've had that combination ........ in the person of Joey and Eli). Two bad they are two different people.

Perhaps in the next life ......

I have been following the news lately. What with the conflict between Israel and Hezbollah (sp?) and with the Pope's controversial quoting of the 14th Century person or event (LOL) whatever. I have this theory -- the catalyst for the next world war will be by anti-american nations coming together -- (what a horrible thought ......... ).

Anyway ...... the time now is 3 past 9 and this chic is signing off.

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by Wicked_Witch on Oct 18^th, 2006, 9:34am

Yo, Cathy girl, where are you? What's happening in your world over there, eh? Missed talking to you and missed reading your blogs here. I hope to see you soon if not right away. Get your back ass here!! Hehehehe! Mwahhh! :-*

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Oct 23^rd, 2006, 6:47pm

on 10/18/06 at 09:34:29, Wicked_Witch wrote:

Nice to know I'm missed :-*

Awright, I'm back here - now what? ;D jk!

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Oct 23^rd, 2006, 7:11pm

I've got eleven minutes to cook up an interesting blog .... I've nothing to complain or rejoice about lately really. Not to say my life has not been without excitement or challenges or whatnot. Just been ordinary. Boring.

I am of late have a certain obsession with bananas. Yeah, the yellow-interestingly-shaped fruit. It's how I jump start and end my day - with a banana.

Oh! My gas problem is back. But I make sure that no one is around when I let my frustrations out down there - the other down there. hehehe. Oh, I met this drama teacher by the pool few nights ago. I don't recall what he looks like, 'cept that he's got a most amazing eyes and a voice that is kind of hypnotic. A deadly combination in my dictionary. He asked if we can have coffee sometime, but his hair (from what I remember I think) kept distracting me. He was sportin' a pigtail. About two inches off his nape, probably a thousand strands of hair.

damn i gotta go..\

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by Wicked_Witch on Oct 25^th, 2006, 11:15am

Prolly remnants of woodstock days, Cathy. ;D Welcome back! :-*

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Oct 27^th, 2006, 7:35pm

I wish Ree doesn't display my birthday here. I am freaking out as it is knowing I'll be a year older again and celebrating my birthday - "all by myself.." :'(

If I could only skip that day .....

I'm not in the mood to celebrate it with friends either. I'd rather be home and be with my family, waking up to my mom's cooking and my newphews knock on my bedroom door .... ahhh those were the days.

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Nov 18^th, 2006, 4:44pm

This space is FOR RENT.

Any takers? ;D jk!

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Nov 28^th, 2006, 8:56am

I've this desperate need to get something off my chest.

Haven't heard from him in four days. This is not by far the longest time we've not communicated, but I just have this strange feeling this time. My heart is racing and I'm feeling real anxious. I tried to call him after I got back from a training but I got his machine instead. It was 4 minutes to midnight in his neck of the woods. Man, even my fingers are starting to feel the tension ..... I'm getting worried but more so ----- I hope my gut feeling is wrong this time. Please let it be wrong.

It's 11am now but I still have this HUGE urge to call and talk to him or I'll be hard pressed to get through the day .....

Please let my gut feeling be wrong..... please?

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Nov 28^th, 2006, 4:51pm

Oh, if I could just wipe that smirk off your face! I am hating your guts right now. I want so much to strangle you. I can imagine you laughing as you feign innocence to my silly notions. Oh, you brute!

Sometimes I wish you deliberately broke my heart so I have a reason for hating you, and thus, just quit talking to you for good. We don't have to remain friends. We don't have to still know what's going on in each other's life. We don't have to be anything to each other.

I wasn't amuse that you find it sweet that I was worried about you. Did you do that on purpose? You pompous ass!

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Dec 2^nd, 2006, 9:30am

I don't suffer fools gladly, and it's going to be the end of me.

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Dec 2^nd, 2006, 2:03pm

let there be white!

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Dec 2^nd, 2006, 2:35pm

My curiosity got the better of me, a few nights ago. Putting myself in a situation where I have always known for a fact I will pass triumphantly, had I been put to a test. But I failed. I deliberately failed myself - miserably so. I have never felt so guilty or had so little respect for myself.

One thing I concluded after the 'experiment'.

What he and I have had - is tremendously beautiful. So beautiful that it's almost divine. How dare I question its worth? How dare I compare it with something that is mediocre and superficial? Such foolishness!

I would never again underestimate your almost paternal understanding. Of how much you always put my wellbeing on top of everything else, even while faced with betrayal. With your sincerity and caring spirit - I am in awe.

Your love is a gift I shall always treasure.

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by Wicked_Witch on Dec 5^th, 2006, 4:45am

I take it everything's ok in your lovelife, Cathy? ;D If it is, I'm glad that one of us is happy with her lovelife. Mine is still in a state of confusions. Hehehehe!

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Dec 6^th, 2006, 10:55am

I can't say that it is. I wish things are the way as it was. But Joey and I sure do have this strange relationship. Or maybe it's just me? I don't know. But eveytime I am in a rut, I find myself feeling fortunate for having him in my life - gazillion miles apart as we are. I have disappointed him big time several days ago and I am expecting him to hate me and I even told him so ;D --- but he was extremely patient with me. It was almost as if he was right there beside me calming me down and making sure I won't be too hard on myself.

When I get home drunk, I would have to call him and let him know I got home safely. If he doesn't hear from me at a certain time or I passed out, he would call just to make sure I'm fine and that I drink lots of water and stuff. He is THE most thoughtful and caring person I have ever met. He reminds me of my mom really and would often tease him about it. I depend on him too much I think. Because we've been in each other's life for so long. I paritcularly enjoy when he 'endorses' products to me. Or when he would show me the new pair of shoes that he bought, or when he asked my opinion on which pairs of suit to keep, and on and on. Or the time he phoned me in the middle of the night because he has a big decision to make about a business deal. We are just SO much a part of each other's life.

He is without question, the love of my life. I just can't stop talking about him, obviously. It's because he continue to show me his sincerity and ultimately, the only person who totally puts up with my quirks and brings out the best in me.

I am totally, completely madly in love with him (sighs) ;D.

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Dec 19^th, 2006, 4:02pm

Yay! A week from now and I'll be home with my family! Yay! I'm so excited!! (insert poll dancing smiley here) nyahahahaha ;D

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by okasantina on Dec 24^th, 2006, 9:44am

Merry Christmas Cathy !!! :) :) :)

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by Wicked_Witch on Dec 26^th, 2006, 8:15am

HAPPY NEW YEAR, CATHY!!!

Are you coming home to the Philippines or somewhere else?

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by okasantina on Dec 31^st, 2006, 3:59am

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! CATHY!!! :) :) :)
[smiley=icon_dance.gif] [smiley=icon_drink2.gif] [smiley=icon_dance.gif]

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Jan 21^st, 2007, 3:44pm

Thank you all for the warm greetings. Likewise, belated as it is. ;D

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Jan 21^st, 2007, 3:52pm

Just got home from my vacation from the Philippines. Seeing as this is my second time around, I was surprised with how more homesick I am now than the last time.

I am now trying to re-evaluate my priorities and goals I have set for myself for the next two years. It really is different when you're far away from your family and living independently abroad. Having a fulfilling career and a handful of friends doesn't cut it anymore. I'd rather be with my family.

I must learn to control my spending this time.

Btw, I got my laptop back. Yay! But I had to re-apply for a new internet connection. Hpefully, within this week.

Later.

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Feb 4^th, 2007, 1:11pm

I just recently realised that I have a way of making things difficult (for people) to just say something without them getting a third degree from me.

I am insanely suspicious and gullible at times. How that is even possible, is beyond me.

If somebody gives me a compliment, instead of smiling and say "Thank you", I'd go on a litany words all but discouraging future compliments or making the other person guilty for opening up his/her mouth in the first place. That, or at the back of my mind I'm thinking "What does this person wants?".

Why can't I just bat my eyelashes and smile like every normal women do? ;D

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Feb 8^th, 2007, 10:36pm

new leaf..........

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Feb 10^th, 2007, 12:38am

I am ridiculously loyal. It was one of the things I discovered about myself just recently. He and I have broken up and got back together SO many times, I lost count.

It never fails, any time I'm talking to another guy and found the guy's personality to be interesting and really had fun talking with him, I feel guilty. It feels as if I'm cheating on him. And we are not even technically "together" anymore. It's like I can't have fun with other people. I don't get me :( Our situation sucks! It's like in between friends and lovers. I don't even want to try to define it.

And as if that isn't bad enough, everytime I tell him that I chatted with a guy at work or with a long time chat friend I haven't spoken with in a long time, I'd go nuts if I didn't tell him. And he always make me feel better and almost silly for feeling bad in the first place!

I'm just a sucker for intelligent and sarcastically funny people, so shoot me.

Ridiculously loyal? Hmmm, I do recall that one time.... but that's another story.

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by okasantina on Feb 10^th, 2007, 6:10am

on 02/10/07 at 00:38:34, ClumsilyIdiotic wrote:

Stop patronizing so ull not be ridiculously loyal Cathy bebe :*

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Feb 10^th, 2007, 9:58am

I don't think I am, Tuna Tina ;D

But I'm working on it, because I'm about to take 'u' out of F-U-N. LMAO. Whatever that means.

Geez, it must be the scrambled egg this morning that got me talking nuts again. Oh well. ;D

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by okasantina on Feb 10^th, 2007, 5:09pm

on 02/10/07 at 09:58:23, ClumsilyIdiotic wrote:

I got it Cathy no need to explain..readin ure blog makes me smile really ... sorry if im intrudin ure blog..this would be the last ... dun worry lol

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Feb 10^th, 2007, 6:03pm

on 02/10/07 at 17:09:44, okasantina wrote:

I got it Cathy no need to explain..readin ure blog makes me smile really ... sorry if im intrudin ure blog..this would be the last ... dun worry lol

Awww you misunderstood what I meant. I didn't mean you literally :( That's why I put 'u' in quotes. I was figuratively speaking, referring to the person who by being loyal to him makes me feel bad about having a fun conversation with somebody else apart from him.

My saying I'm working on it simply means I'm going to try to have fun or enjoy the company of other people outside my relationship with J.

Hope that make sense? If you were offended, I apologise, it wasn't intentional.

Peace! :-*

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Feb 15^th, 2007, 12:02am

Wh
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inero
ti
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Sens
iti
vef
lesh
sedu
ctiv
e?

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Feb 16^th, 2007, 10:50pm

Why in the world can't I just say thank you?! When am I going to learn to recognise your efforts and thoughts? No matter how trivial I think it is? Why can't I just hold my tongue? Why am I overly critical?

I'm so sorry :( I'll try to be more appreciative next time.

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Feb 17^th, 2007, 11:57am

Shut up, drama queen! ::)

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by Wicked_Witch on Apr 24^th, 2007, 4:15am

Hey, where are you? This page is gathering :P cobwebs already!

Title: Re: A Witless Twit
Post by ClumsilyIdiotic on Sep 26^th, 2008, 5:29pm

Helllooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo people!!!! LMAO

The resident looney is back .... for how long, I don't know. lol

Hmmmm that sounds like a perfect nickname ...

Hellooooooo Edith, I'll say! :p care to help me with the cobwebs? (insert yellow colored smiley here)