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        On the Lighter Side >> Jokes & Humor >> Ponderings!!
        
(Message started by: Stonser on Jul 13th, 2004, 7:29am)
Title: Ponderings!!
Post by Stonser on Jul 13th, 2004, 7:29am
1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?
9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?
10. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?
11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?
12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?
14. Why do "overlook" & "oversee" mean opposite things?
15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?
16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?
27. Why do we park in a driveway, and drive on a parkway?
28. Why do they call it rush hour when traffic slows down to a crawl?
29. Christmas is weird. What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?
Title: Re: Ponderings!!
Post by MissFartyPants on Jul 17th, 2004, 10:53pm

on 07/13/04 at 07:29:34, Stonser wrote:
1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?
9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?
10. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?
11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?
12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?
14. Why do "overlook" & "oversee" mean opposite things?
15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?
16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?
27. Why do we park in a driveway, and drive on a parkway?
28. Why do they call it rush hour when traffic slows down to a crawl?
29. Christmas is weird. What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?


wrong thread, buddy. You should have posted this at the HotSeat.  ;D
Title: Re: Ponderings!!
Post by Stonser on Jul 19th, 2004, 5:22am
Lmao... now that would be funny....
Title: Re: Ponderings!!
Post by andee on Aug 16th, 2005, 3:01pm
1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
A1. YES IT IS.
2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
A2. Coz the watchers SECOND EYE is busy with his/her FIRST HAND (scratchin deir butts).
3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
A3. FROM WHERE YOU CAME TO KNOW IT WAS MISSPELLED.
4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
A4. FROM POPE JAHN PAUL-FIRST.
5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
A5.  whack (hw²k, w²k) v. whacked, whack·ing, whacks. --tr. 1. To strike (someone or something) with a sharp blow; slap. --intr. 1. To deal a sharp, resounding blow. --whack n. 1. A sharp, swift blow. 2. The sound made by a sharp, swift blow.
6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
A6. COZ f**k-up and f**k-down are one and the same.
7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
A7. COZ chance remains the same, it is only one's body habitat that changes.
8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?
A8.  tug·boat (t¾g“b½t”) n. Nautical. A small powerful boat designed for towing or pushing larger vessels. Also called towboat.
9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?
A9. COZ sports is not what BALLGAME means here.
10. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?
A10. so as to avoid commotion or a stampede.
11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?
A11.  Will let you know as soon as i u/stand the Q.
12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
A12. YES IT DOES.
13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?
A13. One of em could turn GAY with wrong spellings.
14. Why do "overlook" & "oversee" mean opposite things?
A14. COZ both enactments are performed by opposite genders.
15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?  
A15. CONSULT WEBSTERS.
16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
A16. COZ it is terrific at our end, not at the givers end. The work givers are not familiar of WEBSTERS.
17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
A17. That will be proved with nanotechnology, Microsoft, Sony, and HP are already workin on it.
18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
A18. COZ eyes still have the visual acuity at 20/20.
19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
A19. For normal males yes only if the topic they are readin is on gangbang. For normal females yes only if the topic they are readin is on threesome.
20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
A20. Consult Mrs. GWB.
21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
A21. I generally change the batteries, whoeva does that is a FLIRT.
22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
A22. Will ask someone at ac:1 who travels.  I dun travel.
23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
A23. Let me make it short for you - AB-BRA-VIA-TED
24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
A24. Bath Towels are generally meant for the ones who masturbate.
25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
A25.  Where are you located :-b, at my end it does.
26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?
A26. I dun have even ONE.
27. Why do we park in a driveway, and drive on a parkway?
A27. The chauffeur must be on drugs.
28. Why do they call it rush hour when traffic slows down to a crawl?
A28. Traffic police has always forgot to add the word TRAFFIC before the phrase >> RUSH HOUR <<.
29. Christmas is weird. What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?
A29. My colleague is a Christian, I will ask him and let you know.
Title: Re: Ponderings!!
Post by Wicked_Witch on Aug 16th, 2005, 4:24pm

on 07/13/04 at 07:29:34, Stonser wrote:
1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?
9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?
10. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?
11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?
12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?
14. Why do "overlook" & "oversee" mean opposite things?
15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?
16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?
27. Why do we park in a driveway, and drive on a parkway?
28. Why do they call it rush hour when traffic slows down to a crawl?
29. Christmas is weird. What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?

I cant answer that. It's giving me a headache already just reading this.I tried to come up with answers, honestly I did, but my brains failed me [smiley=bigcry.gif] [smiley=bigcry.gif]Im sorry, Stonser :'(


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